Topic: How to get family on board

[mandal]

Are there any suggestions on what I can say to my parents to persuade them to let me join the reserves? The main problem is that they think I am going to be called to war as soon as i join up.

Help? Please?!

[a Sig Op]

That if that was the case, you‘d be the only reservist forced to go off to war since WWII?

[Sierra Kilo]

Thats the classic parental stance...  Try reasoning with them, explain to them that you can‘t be sent on any operation outside of Canada without your permission.  

Furthermore, the reserves offer a lot.  They can give you greater independence, as well as better teamwork skills, they give you a sense of pride in your country, it looks good on a resume, you have the chance to learn a trade (er, for non-combat arms-related stuff) but you still learn good general working skills.

Plus, the pay isn‘t horrible - you make a lot of money in the summer that can be put towards higher education (or a car etc...), and your work hours are flexible in case of school/family/other important occasions.

[Scotty]

Tell them it‘s what you want to do.  If they don‘t want their son (or daughter) to serve their country they have problems.

[combat_medic]

No Canadian reservist has been ordered to go on a mandatory operation since 1945. Even the Korean war didn‘t call up the reserves.

[Pte.Nomercy]

sgt_mandal,

If you think your parents are tough letting you join, you should have met mine. Both were hard-core hippies, my dad was a guitarist in a successful band during the 60's while my mum was a sensitive tree hugging hippie.

When I first told them, years ago, about it they had a fit! â Å“Oh you're gonna go to war and get killed!â ? â Å“Oh they're gonna brain wash you!â ? â Å“You'll be a machine you no thoughts and free thinking!â ? and etc and etc....

I sat down with them and talked them all through and convinced them, with the help of many recruiter phone calls, that told them there was NO WAY I was going anywhere or doing anything, that I didn't approve of and that I could leave whenever I wanted.

Also, what helped a HUGE DEAL was showing them all the money I'd make in one summer, not to mention the university benefits that the reserves give if you qualify.

What you need to do is â Å“brain washâ ? your parents, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Your job, if you want to get in, is to bombard them with all the good stuff you'll get through joining as I described above, money, experience, skills etc.

[tree hugger]

My father once said "No daughter of mine is ever going to go in the military!"  He himself was in the air force for 26 years.  He has since "lightened" up, and is very proud of me.  

PS.  Nothing wrong with another tree hugger around!  

[Michael Dorosh]

Originally posted by combat_medic:
[qb] No Canadian reservist has been ordered to go on a mandatory operation since 1945. Even the Korean war didn‘t call up the reserves. [/qb]

No Canadian reservist has ever been ordered overseas before 1945, either.  Conscription was done under the National Resources Mobilization Act - NRMA men were not reservists, as I understand it, but am open to correction.  The Non-Permanant Active Militia was renamed the Canadian Army (Reserve) in 1940, and operated as the Militia does today.  I don‘t believe these guys were sent overseas, and until November 1944, full time soldiers in Canada had to volunteer for General Service (for which they were permitted to wear the GS badge) and then and only then were they able to be sent overseas.  

November 1944 changed that, but I still don‘t know that members of the Canadian Army (Reserve) were part of the 16,000 draftees that were sent to Europe.  I would suspect they weren‘t.

[combat_medic]

Sorry if that was unclear. I was referring rather to the mobilization of reserve units by Parliament during WWII.

[Michael Dorosh]

Reserve units weren‘t mobilized, though.  A brand new force was created, called the Canadian Active Service Force (CASF).  When they went overseas in 1939-40, the regiments still had depots in Canada, and eventually reconstituted themselves as "second battalions" - the Seaforths had a 2nd Battalion in Canada, for example.

All the soldiers of the CASF had to be attested, just as they did for the CEF.  So while a unit called the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada (CASF) went overseas with the First Division in December 1939, it wasn‘t technically a case of the reserves being "mobilized" though they did call it that.  The NPAM unit still existed, and in November 1940 was formalized as the 2nd Battalion, Seaforth Highlanders of Canada in accordance with Order in Council PC 6645, and later General Order 273.

Every member of the CASF was a volunteer, so saying they were "mobilized" may lead to confusion, especially given the context of the current discussion.   You said no reservist has ever been made to go on a mandatory operation since 1945.  That was also the case pre-1946.

[Pieman]

sgt_mandal,

If it is possible, perhaps you should take your parents with you down to your local CFRC. They would be able to get a lot of info and I suspect that by talking with a recruiter it would be a real eye-opener.

Also, maybe you could request a tour of a base nearest to you. That would be interesting for your parents and yourself. I have no idea if you can actually get a tour, but ask your recruiter.

It is possible they would have a very different opinion when they get a better understanding of the CF and how it works.

[greymatter]

My mom said the same thing. "Thats not lady like, the military is for men!"
on the other hand my dad who was in a few years back said it would be good for me. Since I‘m under 18 they had to sign for me.
I printed out postive articles and infomation for my mom to read, then she said it was fine, and when your parents are not supportive it makes you want to try harder  
good luck sgt_mandal! i hope everything goes well.

[Michael O'Leary]

Backgrounder - The Canadian Forces Reserve -  July 16, 1998

You parents may find sections of this backgrounder informative. See the section titled Employment of Reservists.

 

Reservists on any class of reserve service may volunteer for employment on operational duty. Such operational duty may include either domestic operations such as aid in the maintenance of public order and security, emergency relief and the pursuit of national development goals through the provision of armed and unarmed assistance to civil authorities, or international peacekeeping operations. Members of the Reserve must consent to serve on the specific operation.  

[mandal]

WOW!
Thank you all for all this help and support! It is kinda working, yet not thorougly. Please keep posting suggestions!

thankfully,
     sgt_mandal

[CI Dumaran]

Hey Mandal...

I‘ll take you down to the TORONTO CFRC sometime, we can stop by beavers too...

I‘m not sure if you‘ve been down to 4900 Young CFRC if not... you‘ll find that talk with a recruiter very very helpful. Heck, you can bring your parents too.

Plus, you get lots of literature that will help you decide, and info fo your parents.

Good luck! I‘ll talk to you about it sometime.

Have you made considerations on what unit you are going to join, if you and when you convince your parents?

[mandal]

I want to join the Queens Own, if i ever get to convince my parents.

[Dogboy]

convincing my family is not so hard. But how do i convince my wife to let me enlist?
shes sure ill be gone for over a year, and have to kill people, and get killed for sure .
I know that i MAY have to shoot in anger, and i may die in a horrible event,
but what are the real chances of that?
any thoughts ?

P.S. this board is very helpful for people wanting a strait answer before enlisting.
thanks all

[kmcc]

I think my head is going to fall off.
I'm sick of people telling me I'm crazy for wanting to join the army. I'm sick of people telling me I won't make it. My father "doesn't want his baby girl to be a grunt" but has said that he will be damn proud and will probably cry when I get sworn in. My brother says I'm crazy and the pay is peanuts, barely beer money. I'm not joining for the pay, I'm joining because it feels right to me. The rest of my family pretty much holds the same view. My best friend, the one person who has supported me no matter what, thinks I'm crazy and will get killed. The only person that really supports me is my mother but thats another problem right there. She makes it seem like I have no other choice anymore because it looks like my father will be laid off next winter(thanks Danny Williams, you bas****) and I probably won't qualify for student loans so the forces is my only option for an education. I went back to high school for another year to get my math mark higher and just...Argh! I know I shouldn't be complaining, other people have it allot worse than I do. at least I have one source of support. Everything is just starting to get to me and my head feels like its going to explode.
Is anyone going through what I am or already has? is there any advice you can give me?


I'm sorry if this bothers anyone, I just really needed to vent. If this is inappropriate, off topic or doesn't make sense just tell me and I'll delete it

[Daveman]

Kmcc,

Moral courage is defined as doing what you believe is right in the face of those who would denigrate you for following your beliefs.  In the end, it's your life.  You have to live it as you see fit.  The only person who has to live with the consequences of your actions is you. 

I am probably ten to fifteen years older than you are, and my parents and family said the same thing.  I found this interesting given that they have enjoyed the benefits of living in a free society paid for in blood by our grandfathers and great uncles, who did not ask what was in it for them when the call came.  My aunts and uncles have all done well for themselves, partly because of the security and freedom our military has provided them, past and present.  You may have to resign yourself to the eventuality that some people just don't get it.

With respect, if your father has not made adequate provision for your postsecondary education, he has no right to discourage you from taking the mature route and providing for yourself using any means you can devise.  I can only hope that my own children will show the same initiative.  Be absolutely sure, however, that you know what you are getting yourself into.  Access absolutely all sources of information you can so you will be aware precisely of what you are getting yourself into. 

That's my oh so not expert opinion.

Good luck   

[Jamson]

My parents said a similar thing, my mom was like "OH I don't want my baby to get killed" and my Dad still thinks the Army is like it is in those American movies from the 70's but he is glade that I know what I want to do with my life but he doesn't want me to leave.

One of the reasons I am joining though is because I hate living with my parents, and everything I am doing with my life right now. The sooner I get my call the sooner my life will begin. Hopefully they call me next week.

Kmcc, the Canadian military I believe is a great option and more people should be considering it as a choice after high school. If you haven't already checked out the recruiting forums FAQ section I got the link here in my post so you can check it out, it's got a wealth of information.


http://army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,17073.0.html

[bigwig]

This sort of relates to the thread of civvies being in the dark. All of the civilians that criticize you probably don't have the slightest idea of what the army is about (besides what they see the Americans doing in Iraq). Everyone automatically assumes that you will be immediately deployed to Iraq and get shot and that is that. I went through the same thing with my family. They thought I was crazy and I had no support going into it. I felt almost betrayed by my family because I grew up with them saying I could do anything I wanted to do when I grow up and they will support me. When I told them I'm going into the army they laughed at me and said "OK, I'll believe it when I see it" thinking I wasn't serious. I came home the next day with the application and then their faces looked a lot different from the day before.

It also makes me angry when people criticize others for joining because we are the only onces with the guts to do it. I don't think anyone should be criticized for defending their country, infact, I think they should be appraised for it.

So just do what you want to do and who cares what other people think, as long as you're happy.

[kmcc]

Thanks for your reply. If I had gone to college or plan to. the money would have been found, but I don't want to put my parents in that situation. I know what I'm getting myself into. I've been doing as much research as possible and I look forward to it.

It also makes me angry when people criticize others for joining because we are the only onces with the guts to do it. I don't think anyone should be criticized for defending their country, infact, I think they should be appraised for it.

So just do what you want to do and who cares what other people think, as long as you're happy.

I completly agree.


edit: I forgot to add that I've been going through this for several months and have started the process of signing up. I'm going for 1. VEH TECH (411), MED A (737) and Sig Op (215)

[white]

I've also had the same experience of no support from anyone. The only person who has supported mefor trying to join the army was my mom everyone else says I'm an idiot. I've had one person tell me that if I get in and die when I'm on duty he would come to my funeral and say  "I told you you were an idiot for joining and now you're dead for nothing".  Even with all this negative talk and no support I will stop at nothing to try and join the army.

[skura]

The trick is to completely ignore anyone who says "You can't do it."   In my case it's kind of hard since it's my mom who's telling me she doesn't want me to go, but since she's my mom I know that deep down she's happy that I've made a decision I can stick with and happy that I now have a goal in life, and I'm sure everyone else's parents who say "They don't their baby do die / go" are just as proud as the parent who agrees with your decision.   Friends on the other hand are much easier to ignore, or even adults who arent related to you because no body knows you better then yourself, and if you want in the Army, then come heck or high water you will make it (if you really do want it as bad as you think you do, that is).   So take it from me, because I've been going though this "Don't join the Canadian Army" ALL summer, and I still want in, even more then I did before.   Maybe you can chalk the negativity up towards motivation, and use it to become a better soldier.

Good luck in joining, BMQ, and everything else! (not just Kmcc, but everyone who has to do this "alone")...

[I, Citizen]

Anyone who criticizes will admire you fourfold for sticking with your decision. I found that many of them wanted me to suceed but only were trying to cover their own arse in case it didn't work out... you made a great decision