Topic: Is there any hope for a relationship??

[Miss Wright]

Jenn,
          My high school sweetheart left Ottawa, to qualify in Toronto. He ended up living there, but I understood his situation, and wanted him to know that I supported him 100%. So, I didn't sulk, or cry. But after he left, I felt empty like my soul was vacant and unoccupied. I kind of wish I'd asked him to stay. So, if you feel your relationship might work, run it.

[Canadian Sig]

What, are you going to start giving extra duties to any young Pte (or Lt.) who fornicates outside of marriage?[/qoute] Nope

Gets drunk on the weekend?

Nope

Defends himself a little more vigorously than is prudent?

Nope

I will however advocate punishing those who "fornicate" with other soldiers wives. Why??? Because if nothing else it is bad for moral, unit co-hesion and the team in general. I'm fairly sure that it goes against the Principals of Leadership to allow it to happen amongst your subordinates.

Also, "some guy" once said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" - I assume you have led a flawless life of sober and chaste virtue and labor to make such assertations from on high!

I'm not likely to pull out my sling-shot and let fly but I can say that I have never done this dis-service to a fellow soldier, and whats more I never will. I can also say that I have never snuck into the room of a drunk married woman and touched her in any way ( fairly sure thats against the criminal code even if it's not against your personal code), and whats more I never will.

You must be a fine role model!

I think so as ( I hope) do most of the guys who work for me who expect me to cover their backs like a good leader.


More importantly add to that the fact that this soldier needs to hold a level 3 security clearance and he placed himself in a compromising position and he should lose his clearance, and as a result, his job.

[Patrick H.]

If you don't feel you can trust your spouse in regards to carnal desires while you are away then you need to have a serious discussion. Do not leave with problems or what you think are problems. Settle all of your quarrels before you depart. Lay everything on the table, ante up and risk the future because it's her future too. If it's not with you then better sooner than later.

[Canadian Sig]

Patrick,

 Thanks for the friendly advice. 9er domestic and I are stong as an ox and it's not a real issue. It was more just an observation about what kind of lack of morals attitude seems to be rampant in the military as a whole. You know all the qliches like what happens in____ stays in____. I just think that if you cant trust the guy in the hole next to you to not try to nail your wife while your away then is he even the kind of guy we want to recruit to put in the hole next to you in the first place?

[Patrick H.]

That's true to a point. I wouldn't want to trust my life to somebody I cannot trust. However, if he/she has proven to be a capable and proficient soldier then he does deserve to be a part of the team. I think it would be an issue to be brought up before the COC, I'm not part of the military yet so I'm speaking from a strictly civilian point of view. My girlfriend and I are pretty strong as well and I do trust her to remain faithful and vice versa but sometimes that kind of stuff happens. Lame excuse, I know, but some cannot muster the will power. The soldier in question cannot be solely responsible for it takes 'two to tango' so to speak. If such a situation did occur, I'm sure he or she would be dealt with because that sort of thing travels quickly in a small community.

Again, communication is the key. In that situation, she/he needs to tell you when others are trying to take advantage of her and your absence.

[GO!!!]

More importantly add to that the fact that this soldier needs to hold a level 3 security clearance and he placed himself in a compromising position and he should lose his clearance, and as a result, his job.

Riiiight, so you would yank someone's security clearance for "attempted philandering" great. It's knee jerk reactions like that that make us look foolish as a military. A bunch of so called professionals using the system on each other to settle personal beefs is pretty corrosive to morale too, and a disturbingly large waste of time and resources.

If you have a problem with what happened, perform a quick "8 inches below the belt check", then use what you see, (there should be two of them) and go have a quick chat with the person in question. Don't you feel somewhat emasculated that you have to resort to administrative action to solve your personal problems? What happened to solving issues at the lowest level?

I'd be more concerned about "leaders" scared to death of a confrontation with one of their peers than someone else's drunken stupidity.

If you brought this "issue" to me as a supervisor, I would laugh you out of my office. You need to seperate your personal life from the military.

[Jewelle]

There is always hope for a relationship with someone in the forces.  I have been married to an RCR for 17 years. Been through MANY tours and have had many nights alone. The two most important things that I have found in our marriage is trust and communication.  (sometimes the communicaiton gets quite loud  LOL), but persevere and you will be fine.

[Canadian Sig]

Riiiight, so you would yank someone's security clearance for "attempted philandering" great. It's knee jerk reactions like that that make us look foolish as a military. A bunch of so called professionals using the system on each other to settle personal beefs is pretty corrosive to morale too, and a disturbingly large waste of time and resources.

If you have a problem with what happened, perform a quick "8 inches below the belt check", then use what you see, (there should be two of them) and go have a quick chat with the person in question. Don't you feel somewhat emasculated that you have to resort to administrative action to solve your personal problems? What happened to solving issues at the lowest level?

I'd be more concerned about "leaders" scared to death of a confrontation with one of their peers than someone else's drunken stupidity.

If you brought this "issue" to me as a supervisor, I would laugh you out of my office. You need to seperate your personal life from the military.

Obviously I need to explain myself better. I handled it exactly like that. When I found out, I confronted the guy myself ( as best as can be considering he is posted to the other side of the country ) and no I did not send it through my chain. I won't send it through my chain but I do think that the chain should have some "persuasion" referance the morals of the soldiers it commands. And I stand by my opinion of the fact that someone with a top secret security clearance needs to be someone with good judgment. If we want to foster some "bullshite" team attitude then we need to not stick each other in the back..or the front

For the record I have never yet setteled a personal beef with the system and I cant see myself starting. Sorry if I have been unclear on the subject.

[unofficial]

Hi all

It is simple if you have a strong relationship thing will work if not well you can guess. The military does put a lot of strain on any relationship in the army or navy it is worse because the are gone so much. The wives or girlfriends are so worried they will cheat or have to much fun while away they harp on them all the time about it. Trust and a lot of patients go a long way. I would suggest to relax and when you do hear from him enjoy it because it will take some pressure off him as well knowing you are okay. It goes both ways stop stressing over things you can’t control just relax.

[bilton090]

Hi all

It is simple if you have a strong relationship thing will work if not well you can guess. The military does put a lot of strain on any relationship in the army or navy it is worse because the are gone so much. The wives or girlfriends are so worried they will cheat or have to much fun while away they harp on them all the time about it. Trust and a lot of patients go a long way. I would suggest to relax and when you do hear from him enjoy it because it will take some pressure off him as well knowing you are okay. It goes both ways stop stressing over things you can’t control just relax.

   Dear Abby:       The door swings both ways !

[CplD]

I have been in a simular situation as what you about to embark on.  Only from a Reservist stand point.  By the sounds of it, your boyfriend is going Regular force.  All I can say is, once the ball starts rolling you'll be hearing from him by phone or internet quite frequently.  Times have changed and communication is easier then ever.  At first it might be hard because he won't have the priviledges, but they will come.  After a couple weeks he will get weekends off, and if you live close to the base you can see him then for sure.  But he will definitly be able to call you often while in garrison.

[fly_lady_fly]

Navan,

I can relate to your situation, my boyfriend's off to BMQ in roughly a month and I've still got 2 years of school left. While I'm confident that things will be fine, I get worried sometimes too, about when I'll be hearing from him or when I'll be able to see him. He tells me that BMQ is roughly 10 weeks, and while it might seem like a long time to have only minimal contact with someone, it won't last forever. You will adjust once you figure out how and when you'll be able to talk/see each other. I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice to give, but I hope that you find some small comfort in knowing that you're not the only one feeling the way you are.

Take care.

[chocolateconnection]

My boyfriend has joined the army and is waiting for his call, we live in B.C. which is far from Edmonton and I'm tense and uneasy about how it's going to affect our relationship.  Is there hope, anyone have any motivational stories or imput?

[airmich]

Chocolate, welcome to army.ca.  There are many people in the same, or similar, situation as you.  You can find many of their stories, as well as replies, input and advice from members, in the "Home Front" board at http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/board,49

[George Wallace]

This question has been asked several times in our Forum called "Home Front".  Before you go posting there, as I am going to move this topic, you may be interested in reading these very informative Topics about this site:


Army.ca Conduct Guidelines: MUST READ - http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,24937.0.html

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Regarding the use of "MSN speak" versus the employment of prose which is correct in grammar, spelling and punctuation, please see: http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,34015.msg260446.html#msg260446

Tone and Content on Army.ca: http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,51970.0.html

FRIENDLY ADVICE TO NEW MEMBERS - http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,24937.msg259412.html#msg259412

Recruiting FAQ - http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,21101.0.html

• Canadian Forces Aptitude Test - http://army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,21101.msg103977.html#msg103977
• Fitness requirements at enrolment, see page 12 of this brochure: http://64.254.158.112/pdf/physical_fitness_en.pdf

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[Blue Nile]

You should ask yourself if you can see yourself with him. Life is unpredictable, commitment will carry you through a relationship military or otherwise. There are numerous curve balls that can be thrown at a couple and test or tear a relationship.My husband is in the army, he was a civi when we married, he is where he belongs. As a civi he was home everynight but he was miserable. Now in the army he is a duck in water, we have been apart for 8 months but nothing gives me more joy than seeing him happy.The life is hard but life is hard in general. You cannot become codependent it isn't healthy. I have grown as a person since he has been in the forces.You need to ask can I grow old with him?

[proudnurse]

Jenn

I know that there are alot of replies to this, but I'm going to throw my two cents in also. You have to remember that this is just as hard for him as it is for you, the only way you are going to survive this, is to keep POSITIVE. Negative thinking will not help the situation of being separated. And when you spend time together Make the BEST of it! It's easier said than done, enjoy every moment and don't dwell on what it's going to be like when you have to separate again. It will just add melancholy to spending time together. WRITE WRITE WRITE. If he does not write you back right away, do not stress, do not think it has anything to do with you, he is focusing on the tasks at hand.

We are only human, and we are not perfect. Trust me he will understand when you do get down and sad, every relationship is  also different. Try and focus on doing stuff for yourself, getting out with friends and family. The only way you are going to survive this, is if you don't dwell on the "what if's" the "what if's" will kill ya! He needs you to be stronger than you think, and trust me he will get in touch when he can. Distance does not matter, it's the love that will keep you strong. Savour every moment, even if it's a 10 min phone call, an email, letter in the mail, that is spending time with your soldier, and please don't take it for granted. If you need ANYTHING please send me a PM!

Rebecca