Author Topic: How do the families cope during a tour? Tips and pointers for first timers. (Read 44008 times)

military granny · « **Reply #25 on:** January 14, 2006, 15:17:43 »

My son is leaving in nine days for his first overseas mission.How did all you parents feel the first time?

Nerf herder · « **Reply #26 on:** January 14, 2006, 22:01:44 »

Well, I can't comment because I'm not in the same situation.

Mind you I'm in Afghanistan on tour....and believe it or not, my mom and dad still get a bit worried. Only natural I guess.

So my question to you is:

How are you dealing with it? Have you talked about your concerns to him?

Do you have a plan to keep his moral up during his deployment?

Regards

RoeRoe · « **Reply #27 on:** January 14, 2006, 22:55:14 »

Well, this is my first time posting my opinion, my husband is on tour now, he has 2 months left.

I have gotten through the tour ( barely) by keeping in contact very regularly with him, emails, phone calls ( although not enough), letters, and I send him regular care packages. The care packages are GREAT for their morale as well.

Just remember while your son is there, if he goes a few extra days without calling or emailing, don't let your imagination run away with you, the phones are most likely down or he is just too busy!!!!

My last piece of advice is prayer, if you are a religious person, keep him in regular prayer, it will give you peace.

All the best to you and your son.

military granny · « **Reply #28 on:** January 15, 2006, 13:31:34 »

Hi Franko and RoeRoe
Well my son and i talk daily right now, and before he found out he was going to "the gan" we talked about twice a week. So yes he definitely knows of my concern. I guess I'm dealing with the situation in a lot of different ways, I try to keep busy and I also know quite a few guys hes going over with so I know they will look after one another. As for the time hes gone we have a very large family that all have his mailing address and know the rules for letters and parcels so he should be flooded with mail and care packages. He has told me to keep in contact with our MFRC which from what I hear is a very good one. Thanks for your info.

Mike Bobbitt · « **Reply #29 on:** January 19, 2006, 18:47:09 »

If you can plug yourself into a military community that would help as well. The MFRC is the best place for that, but there are also many other options, ranging from ad hoc meetings to online "chat" groups like this one. Stay involved and stay informed, it's the best way to understand what's going on and the more you understand, the less will be mysterious (and possibly worrysome) for you.

Cheers
Mike

punkgirl · « **Reply #30 on:** February 07, 2006, 04:05:28 »

Hello everyone, I am kind of new at this... My boyfriend has just left for a 6 month tour in Afganistan. It has only been 3 days since he has left and i miss him like crazy. This isn't his first time away. When he started his basic training he was really fast tracked through the whole procedure. He did his 10 weeks of basic then straight on to his SQ and BIQ. It was a whole 7 months that he was gone. When he came back we had 2 weeks together and then he was off for a field course in wainwright, for a total time away of just under 10 months. I have told him when he comes back that it is going to take me awhile before i want to lend him back to the army for another tour! I am just finding it a bit harder to keep my mind occupied this time. Before i lived in the same city as my parents but since the liberal government closed down the military base in Calgary 12 year (or so) ago, i have moved to the city where he has been stationed, Edmonton. I have my job but i don't really know anyone in the city, and i can only hang out with work people so much before i will go stir crazy. Does anyone in here live in Edmonton? Anyone have any ideas on how i can meet other army "wives" ? thanks for your help

And i really liked the candy in a jar count down idea... if we are lucky enough to have kids i am going to keep that one on hand

Randy · « **Reply #31 on:** February 07, 2006, 21:05:36 »

Get in touch with the Edmonton MFRC. They should have a deployment support coordinator who can put you in touch with the local spousal support group and/or unit homefront organisation. You are not alone.

Randy

Elisha · « **Reply #32 on:** February 07, 2006, 23:07:14 »

Hey there are a few ladies from Edmonton on a variety of different websites. I am from Edmonton, there are a few of us that meet for coffee every once in a while.

Elisha

punkgirl · « **Reply #33 on:** February 08, 2006, 01:52:46 »

Anyone from edmonton that will be going to the pot luck update for the families on Feb 26?

camochick · « **Reply #34 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:57:55 »

Is your bf with 1Vp cause my husband is 1Vp and he is in a-stan. I dont know if i am going to go to the potluck thing, but I will tell you that the first battalion family support is really great, so any problems or issues you have (other than taking out the garbage or shoveling the driveway) they can help you with. If you PM me I will give you my email addy if you want to chat sometime.

TN · « **Reply #35 on:** February 15, 2006, 20:31:25 »

This is a great topic... my hats goes off to whom came up with this topic... great read... keep it up....

thanks for the info,
My wife and I were a little left in the dark, until now.
Thanks.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #36 on:** May 15, 2006, 01:19:21 »

I just read through this post, So I wanted to bump this up.

My husband is currently in Afghanistan right now. Since this is our first tour, there have been ups and downs. I would like to hear how many spouses are out there currently on this ROTO. I also would like to see how everyone is doing. We are half way there......

swahili · « **Reply #37 on:** May 15, 2006, 20:16:52 »

My husband is also overseas. The past six months have been VERY long. He left beginning of December but was gone a few weeks before hand for training and the such, so it makes it feel very very long!

Before his leave, I didn't really send any packages or anything.... was too busy feeling sorry for myself and concentrating on staying sane while finishing up school and dealing with him being gone, to focus on anything but me! (haha)

But - after the leave, I began sending packages about every other week, of different things including books/magazines he subscribed to, croos-word type books, and the ALL IMPORTANT, Junk food. They have some stuff available there but - not the same so I was sure to send over things like pringles and chocolate (though it can melt) and tons of other stuff too, including some joke gifts which he liked....

We also were able to communicate fairly frequently by MSN or emails. Without those, I don't know how he or I would have made it through it all! haha - well, I'm sure we'd have made it through, we just found it made it a bit easier...

The most important thing is that, we have told ourselves from the beginning, we'll be there to help one another through thick and thin... we've had both good times and bad times since he's left but - we're staying strong... and - that has helped us more than any care package, MSN conversation or phone call

swahili

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #38 on:** May 22, 2006, 14:29:22 »

Couping with a tour.....

Well, plenty of Beer ( LOL) No in reality though , for those spouses who are going through a rough time. Here is my story...

This is our first tour and with 2 little ones it was hard at first. However, my advice would be is go to every function that the rear party or MFRC offers. This is where you go to meet people who are going through what you are. I am very lucky to have met some great ladies who understand what I am going through and we have helped each other through some rough times. Plus they bring me BEER.. LOL

If you have children here is some ideas.
We placed a huge world map on our playroom wall. We placed stickers of where Daddy is and the rest of our family. This helps our 3 yr understand. Every day we do a project or picture for Daddy and send it to him.
I never try to give the kids a date when Daddy will be home because you know the military dates change all the time and I don't want them to be upset if Daddy doesn't come home on the date that we first set.
Also, use deployment childcare if it is offered at your base. This gives you some much needed me time.
I also involve my children in the care packages as much as possible. My little one loves candy so she always sends her Daddy a whole pile of it. It does help that Hubby loves his junk food.
We also use our video camera alot and send Daddy lots of messages and put them into his care package.
Also prior to leaving for deployment Hubby made a some messages for the special dates that he would miss. He also made some messages for our little ones when they went through a rough time. So when the kids are feeling blue, I pop in a message and it cheers them right up just to see their daddy.

I also try to keep the children busy and mommy too.. Between Gymnastics, swimming and anything else I can get them into, it helps.

But the biggest thing I have to say. Is if you need HELP.. ask because there are other people going through the same thing you are and we are there to help each other. Even if it is just to vent away. I have also found this site very helpful and the chat room provides some much needed laughter.

Just realize that their are going to be some good days and bad days and take it day by day and drink plenty of BEER LOL...

shaunswife · « **Reply #39 on:** May 23, 2006, 23:37:56 »

WOW there are alot of great ideas here. my dh is currently on tour, and this is his first. we have 4 children, and its hard, on the both ove us. while i try to be here for him nd listen to him, when he calls, its hard to stay strong all the time. they say to stay busy and keep the kids busy, we do that, but it dosnt make it easier, just makes me more tired.

ill keep cjhecking for ideas

ang

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #40 on:** June 14, 2006, 13:35:30 »

Well since we have received an extension in Afghanistan, I wanted to start a post for the newbies for upcoming tours. I got this idea from another site. This was my first tour and I have learned alot and usually the hard way. So I figured I would start a thread so maybe some significant others would not have to go through what I have. Please feel free to add comments. I would like to have a perspective from deployed members as well.

1. Get a Power of Attorney. You never know if you will need it or not.

2. Make sure you yourself have a Will as well as your significant other.

3.Make sure you significant other has insurance. I believe it is only 12 a month for 400 000 through SISP. ( this may sound negative but is very important)

4. Sit down with Significant other and find out what they want to do with a funeral ect. God forbid something happens. ( This is a very tough conversation but it needs to occur)

5. Make sure that all Bills, insurance, car are in both names. This helps if something were to happen.

6. Make sure you know how everything works before tour. Like how to add oil to the car, Lawn mower ect.. Like in my case.

7. Attend all pre deployment functions. They provide some usefull information.

8. Get to know some of the spouses in your Significant others company. I find that this was helpful because they understand what you are going through.

9. If you have children, Use Deployment childcare if it is available because you will need the break.

10. If you are planning on travelling with your children, get a note from your partner giving you permission. Get one just in case. It saves alot of hassle.

11. Tell your kids the truth about the deployment. I have found that my three year old daughter understands more about this deployment then most Adults.( but this is a personal choice)

12. Attend all functions of the REAR party or MFRC. This is a great way to meet new people who are going through what you are going through.

13. Do not hesitate to contact the rear party. They are there to support the family's.

14. If you watch the news like me, Keep in mind that sometimes it is not factual and usually you will be contacted first if something were to happen to your spouse. ( Usually)

15. If you need help. ASK. Because you are not alone.

16. Do not let your kids guilt you ( like mine does) I miss my daddy she says when she wants something she is not supposed to have.

17. Read about the cycle of emotions for Deployment. Do not be surprised that you will find that you are fighting more with your spouse a couple of weeks prior to the tour. Sometimes in our mind we find it easier to say Good bye when you are mad at one another. This is all part of a cycle and you can pick up information at your local MFRC.

18. Remember the first time you say good bye. Is really hard but the separation gets easier as days pass.

19. When sending packages to your loved ones. Involve your children. It makes them feel better. In my case my daughter makes a craft everyday for her daddy and she puts a whole wack of Dora stickers on the box. He always knows which package is for him.

20. Get a video camera and tape all of your child's firsts and such. It helps make your spouse feel that they have not missed out on your child's accomplishments.

21. If you have a ZOO like me, try to go to the vet prior to deployment. It is easier to do with two sets of hands then just you. Try doing that sometime. 2 kids a dog and 3 cats to the vet. It is an experience.

22. For my kids I have placed a huge world map in their room and placed stickers on where Daddy is and where they are. I feel that this helps them understand.

23. Always try to stay positive on the phone when they call home. They have enough to worry about then hearing you having a mental breakdown.

24. Personally Hubby likes to hear the bad stuff in an email because he feels that he is still apart of everything. ( this is also a personal choice)

25. Involve your kids in all sorts of activities. It helps pass the time and they have something to look forward to.

26. Do not be surprised that you do not hear from your significant other if they are outside the wire all the time. Sometimes they can't access a sat. phone.

27. Have a list of all numbers that you may need on the fridge. Rear party, family etc.

28. Have a support group or person in place. Because sometimes you just need to vent. Like me in chat.

29. If you have questions, even if they are stupid do not be afraid to ask. I ask the most stupid questions, lots of members of this site will testify to this.

30. Try never to fight on the phone or MSN because you do not know when you will be able to talk to your spouse again. ( I stole that one from CAMO)

31. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you need to have a good cry then do it. Because it will make you feel better ( I stole that from Military Granny)

32. Just remember when they leave everything in your house will break and your kitchen will rain, your cat will die and one will run away.( in my case) But you can handle it.

33. Educate yourself on everything. One example is PTSD ( hopefully you will not have to use it)

34. Just remember you are not alone. There are other families going through the same thing you are and lean on each other.

Well that is all I can think of right now. I need some more coffee but I will post more when my brain wakes up.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #41 on:** June 14, 2006, 13:47:00 »

35. Keep yourself busy and go on with life. Do not let the tour be your life.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #42 on:** June 14, 2006, 14:21:01 »

36. This is for members being deployed. My hubby set up personal messages on our computer through our Web cam. HE made one for mothers day, one for when the kids were driving me baty. He also made them for the kids. This helped with the separation from their daddy. There are days that my Daughter watches it over and over again.

37.In regards to sending packages. I sent a package 2 weeks before hubby went on tour. He liked this idea because he received it shortly after he arrived in Kaf. Send packages at least once a month. Just getting something from home helps your spouses Moral.

38. Remember when sending packages it can take usually 4-6 weeks depending. So Plan earlier.

39. Camo gave me this idea, if you want to have your package there earlier, you can express post it to Belleville. Camo says that her hubby usually gets it in 2 weeks.

40. Read about what you can send and what you can't send in the packages. I usually send energy bars, Fruit to go,Oatmeal bars and the new Nestea packages for water. The rations can be hmm pretty boring if your hubby has to live off it for a month of a time.

41. This goes along with packages. I made a pillow case with our pictures on it. You can buy the transfer paper. Hubby loves with it and never leaves without his pillow.

42. Don't expect to receive alot of mail from Hubby or letters. It takes even longer for the letter to come back to Canada. His letter took 3 months for 3 lines on Field paper. Oh got to love my hubby.

military granny · « **Reply #43 on:** June 14, 2006, 14:22:48 »

43. Do Not count days till their return. use paydays, weeks or months. Counting days will make it feel like forever

stolen as well.lol

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #44 on:** June 14, 2006, 14:28:47 »

My Brain is working.. HE HE HE HE

44. Do not count on dates for anything. Coming home dates because they always change at any given moment. Usually a 6 month tour means 6-8 months. So do not be surprised. Also do not give your children a date because they will be dissapointed if Daddy or Mommy does not show on that date. I usually give an estimated time or I prefer not to tell them. An example would be on leave. My daughter had no idea when hubby was coming home. We were at the airport ( too young to understand) thinking we were going out for dinner. Then she saw her daddy and I think the look on her face as she was running to him screaming for him. Made it worth it.

muffin · « **Reply #45 on:** June 14, 2006, 14:40:42 »

adding with Spice's permission

45. (if I may

) ... I like countdown things for the kids that I can "increase" if necessary - ie: Jellybeans in a Jar or cutting links out of a paper chain.

That way if he is extended - you can "add a few more", and they shouldn't really notice/

46. Remeber they are finding it hard to be away too - and they will be just as afraid coming home as you are taking them back in. This is normal, like the pre-depolyment squabble.

47. Consider phone calls a treat - if you count on them you will be twice as sad if you miss one - and you will miss out on a lot waiting by the phone.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #46 on:** June 14, 2006, 14:43:40 »

Going on what Muffin has said

48. When they do come home from HTLA or from the tour, do not expect them to just jump right in to help out. My hubby said when he came home on leave he didn't know what to do because I had a set schedule with the kids. After a few days adjusting to civi world he took on his duties.

49. Be Patient when they come home on leave or at the end of tour. Remember they have been away a long time and it takes a period of adjustment for them, your kids and yourself.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #47 on:** June 14, 2006, 17:22:28 »

50. Your spouse will probably reveal some sensitive informaton during the tour. Respect this and keep it to yourself because of security concerns.

51. If the media contacts you and you do not feel right in speaking with the media. Just say "No comment" or contact the rear party in what you can say and what you shouldn't say.

Booked_Spice · « **Reply #48 on:** June 14, 2006, 19:07:01 »

52. Another important point. Make sure you get your passport and your kids passport. If anything happens you will want to be able to lfy without any hassle. AS well is your spouse needs to sign the passport papers.

CDN Aviator · « **Reply #49 on:** June 14, 2006, 19:33:53 »

53. if your significant other, upon the first morning after his/her return from overseas, makes the decision to have a beer at 930 am and you witness this, dont jump down his/her throat........he/she's just doing it because he/she can ( no beer or "2 beer per day per man")

News:

Author Topic: How do the families cope during a tour? Tips and pointers for first timers. (Read 44008 times)