Author Topic: Tough situation - Girlfriend Pregnant - Common-Law ? (Read 8204 times)

Seaman_Navy · « **on:** February 11, 2006, 10:01:51 »

This week, my girlfriend announced me she is pregnant. I was in shocked cuz I just got my reg force transfer and I am gonna leave in a month. Moreover, I'm heading on my QL 3, so I don't know what to think for now. I'm gonna be sworn in next Wednesday and the recruiting centre does not know anything about that. I'm not married to her and we are not common law either. If we decide to keep the baby, is there any chance the recruiting centre and the CF can help us? I can not be away from her all that time during my course (6 months). Can we get a PMQ or the permission to have an appartment even if I am on a course and those who are on a course live usually in the single quarters?

Thanks a lot in advance to help me

Bruce Monkhouse · « **Reply #1 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:09:34 »

This is going to sound crass, but the first thing you MUST do is make sure TOGETHER that this is the case.
Again, I don't know either of you, but it wouldn't be the first time a phantom pregnancy has come up before one was to leave.......
Sorry, I can't help you with the CF protocols.
Good luck

ArmyVern · « **Reply #2 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:19:45 »

Quote from: Seaman_Navy on February 11, 2006, 10:01:51

This week, my girlfriend announced me she is pregnant. I was in shocked cuz I just got my reg force transfer and I am gonna leave in a month. Moreover, I'm heading on my QL 3, so I don't know what to think for now. I'm gonna be sworn in next Wednesday and the recruiting centre does not know anything about that. I'm not married to her and we are not common law either. If we decide to keep the baby, is there any chance the recruiting centre and the CF can help us? I can not be away from her all that time during my course (6 months). Can we get a PMQ or the permission to have an appartment even if I am on a course and those who are on a course live usually in the single quarters?

Thanks a lot in advance to help me

Holy guacamole. Perhaps some thinking beforehand would have negated the situation you both now find yourself in. If you can't be away from her for 6 months (Why not???) don't bother getting yourself sworn in because her preganancy is not going to change the fact that you will be required to attend your courses when and where scheduled.

As you are not common law or married, there is no entitlement for you to having the Crown (that's the taxpayer) to pay for your girlfriend to co-locate near you during your courses/training. Now if you want to pay to move her all over the place while you are going through your trg you can. You'll also have to rent her an apartment to live in. You are not entitled to PMQs until you are legally common-law or married. The day the baby is born (should the birth occur before your marriage or before you can legally declare common-law status) you will then become entitled to PMQ housing.

I highly suggest that you inform the Recruiting Centre of the upcoming change in your family status prior to your swearing in, as if you truly cannot be away for 6 months, perhaps this is not the right career for you. Being away from home is a common occurance, our tours can last 6 months or longer, and serving personnel manage to pull off stuff like this (in sometimes a lot worse familial circumstances than a pregnant girlfriend) all the time and just 'make it happen.'

I have been home alone while my husband was deployed to Somalia during 6 months of my preganancy. I lived and so did he. It's not the preferrable way of doing things..but hey welcome to the military where the schedules do not adapt to the troops but rather the troops adapt to the schedules.

Seaman_Navy · « **Reply #3 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:29:59 »

So armyvern, it means that they will not support me or my status will not change till the baby is born. In fact, since we are not married and common law this pregnancy problem is ours? Am I right?

By the way, thank you very much for your answer. Appreciated!

Kat Stevens · « **Reply #4 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:35:05 »

I would have to say that pretty much any time a young troop impregnates a girlfriend, it is their problem, no?

ArmyVern · « **Reply #5 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:38:18 »

Pretty much. But if you have been living together for a time-period you may be able to declare common-law status prior to the baby's birth. That of course depends upon whether you want to declare this and how long a time-period you have been living together. Same for marriage. Big decisions that only you can make.

Pretty much, you are correct in the "not the CFs problem" asessment. The CF simply can not change it's training cycle, times, and programs to suit individuals as there are far too many of us (well at least for trg purposes!!). Thus, when the individual becomes a part of the CF, the individual must adapt to the varied and 'not-always-convenient' needs of the CF. When you sign on the line and get sworn in....you are agreeing to do this.

Otto Fest · « **Reply #6 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:41:17 »

It sounds like a pickle, but rest assured you're not the first. Depending upon the length of the course you may have a shot at quarters (the longer the more likely). Bring your concerns to the course staff (in a logical manner). Once you have a child you are eligible for common law. I was. The CSM made us bring in our just born daughter and said "yep, looks like you!". Best of luck.

Seaman_Navy · « **Reply #7 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:44:01 »

thank you very much.

camochick · « **Reply #8 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:53:39 »

I dont know about what the military can do for you, but why can't you be away from her? My husband is currently deployed for 6 months and I am almost three months pregnant. It's not going to be easy for her, but you can be away. Being pregnant doesnt mean she is helpless. Like someone said before, make sure the pregnancy thing is for real. Good luck with whatever happens. And tell her to start taking her pre-natal vitamins.

Seaman_Navy · « **Reply #9 on:** February 11, 2006, 10:59:09 »

I probably did not express myself correctly. I can be away from home for 6 months....like I have been for almost the last 7-8 months...it's now depending on us if we want to do it again.

Gunner · « **Reply #10 on:** February 11, 2006, 11:03:09 »

http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,31316.msg225076.html#msg225076

A very good previous thread on this subject and well worth reading.

meni0n · « **Reply #11 on:** February 11, 2006, 11:16:44 »

Quote from: Seaman_Navy on February 11, 2006, 10:01:51

This week, my girlfriend announced me she is pregnant.

Quote from: Seaman_Navy on February 11, 2006, 10:59:09

I can be away from home for 6 months....like I have been for almost the last 7-8 months...

Jaxson · « **Reply #12 on:** February 11, 2006, 15:57:11 »

Quote from: Kat Stevens on February 11, 2006, 10:35:05

I would have to say that pretty much any time a young troop impregnates a girlfriend, it is their problem, no?

Kat im going to go one up on your and say pretty much any time a young man impregnates a girlfriend, it is a problem.

Tarutig · « **Reply #13 on:** February 12, 2006, 02:52:00 »

you do not need to be married or common law to have a PMQ. Ive known a few people that are single and not even in a relationship get a PMQ. You might have some luck if you pay for the move yourself, and write a memo requesting for her to live in a PMQ where you are on course. I don't think you will be able to "live" with her, but at least maybe she will have some luck with a Q. But then again, maybe not since you can't be charged 2 quarters either.
If you bring up the fact of financial hardship etc with this, asking for help for a move, they may just tell you to take a sisip loan

Elisha · « **Reply #14 on:** February 12, 2006, 10:52:39 »

It is very few and far between that you will get a Q if you are single and in most cases if you are not married or common law and say your a pregnent that you have to wait till a certain point in the pregnancy to be able to then apply to get a Q. Here in Edmonton, there is usually a waiting list to get into any Q on base so I would doubt that they would give you one without being married. I also know that on some bases, if you are already live in a place they use their descrection to whether or not you are able to get a Q then.

Good luck though!

Elisha

ArmyVern · « **Reply #15 on:** February 12, 2006, 11:06:13 »

Quote from: Tarutig on February 12, 2006, 02:52:00

you do not need to be married or common law to have a PMQ. Ive known a few people that are single and not even in a relationship get a PMQ. You might have some luck if you pay for the move yourself, and write a memo requesting for her to live in a PMQ where you are on course. I don't think you will be able to "live" with her, but at least maybe she will have some luck with a Q. But then again, maybe not since you can't be charged 2 quarters either.
If you bring up the fact of financial hardship etc with this, asking for help for a move, they may just tell you to take a sisip loan

These are called enhanced singles quarters...and if he happens to move ahead of the single guys with 'time-in" and the ability to cover the costs of one to get one of them...which I highly doubt; his girlfirend can not move in with him as it is an "enhanced singles quarter". This situation only occurs on Bases where there is not enough singles quarters and where there is an abundance of empty PMQs...an unusual situation to see occuring at a trg Base.

George Wallace · « **Reply #16 on:** February 12, 2006, 11:35:15 »

Quote from: Tarutig on February 12, 2006, 02:52:00

you do not need to be married or common law to have a PMQ. Ive known a few people that are single and not even in a relationship get a PMQ. You might have some luck if you pay for the move yourself, and write a memo requesting for her to live in a PMQ where you are on course. I don't think you will be able to "live" with her, but at least maybe she will have some luck with a Q. But then again, maybe not since you can't be charged 2 quarters either.
If you bring up the fact of financial hardship etc with this, asking for help for a move, they may just tell you to take a sisip loan

If you do follow this advice, you may find that all expenses will have to come out of your own pocket, and you will have to find an apartment or house to rent off Base, with no legal rights to reimbursement. If you, at this stage of your career, become an 'administrative burden' or 'financial' problem, you may find that you will soon no longer have a career in the CF.

It is also, not usually the policy to give a person Permanent Married Quarters for 'family members' while temporarily posted on a short course like QL3.

Tarutig · « **Reply #17 on:** February 12, 2006, 13:13:39 »

Quote from: Elisha on February 12, 2006, 10:52:39

It is very few and far between that you will get a Q if you are single and in most cases if you are not married or common law and say your a pregnent that you have to wait till a certain point in the pregnancy to be able to then apply to get a Q. Here in Edmonton, there is usually a waiting list to get into any Q on base so I would doubt that they would give you one without being married. I also know that on some bases, if you are already live in a place they use their descrection to whether or not you are able to get a Q then.

Good luck though!

Elisha

I know people in Kingston, Winnipeg and Greenwood who are all single and had no problems moving into Qs. However since its so early into the training I doubt he will get one if asked. But those that I know that are in Qs were told that if they all become taken and a family needs to move in, then they have to move out. It all depends on availability and at some bases there are waiting lists - which obviously a single person would not get one.

CDN Aviator · « **Reply #18 on:** February 12, 2006, 13:19:14 »

speculation, speculation.......lock ?

Shadow Cat · « **Reply #19 on:** February 12, 2006, 19:11:56 »

I can tell you right now that anything is possible.

My Dh is currently on his QL3's here in Kingston and we as a family were getting ready to move ourselves to be with him during his training, just waiting for a memo stating that we could get a Q and that we were moving ourselves. The military decided at the last minute that it was wrong that we were paying for the move and so they moved us. His QL3 course ended up being only a little over five months long and the military still decided to move us to be with him during his QL3 training anyways. There is an overabundance of Qs here and many are occupied by single members. They even have 3 bedrooms that are being occupied by one person.

My DH is still required to maintain his room and bed and everything that is contained in there and he is still required or at least feels that he must help with station job duties for the platoon insepctions. He is also still required to report to work at sometimes 5:15 for his regular PT classes and must come home everyday for lunch. If you are able to get her to be with you make sure that she understands that she still wont see you much. Between the chores and studying it is almost like I am still single except for on weekends. I dont mind thought, at least the bed isnt empty at night.

You unfortunately wont know anything until you get to either PAT or to your actual training location. I would have to say that you should be prepared to pay for her relocation out of your own pocket. It was a long road for us to get approval and not easy but like I said anythign is possible.

2023 · « **Reply #20 on:** February 12, 2006, 19:24:22 »

Quote from: Seaman_Navy on February 11, 2006, 10:01:51

This week, my girlfriend announced me she is pregnant. I was in shocked cuz I just got my reg force transfer and I am gonna leave in a month. Moreover, I'm heading on my QL 3, so I don't know what to think for now. I'm gonna be sworn in next Wednesday and the recruiting centre does not know anything about that. I'm not married to her and we are not common law either. If we decide to keep the baby, is there any chance the recruiting centre and the CF can help us? I can not be away from her all that time during my course (6 months). Can we get a PMQ or the permission to have an appartment even if I am on a course and those who are on a course live usually in the single quarters?

Thanks a lot in advance to help me

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm cold answer coming here...................why cant you be away from her all that time??? You are joining the Military aren't you??? You're GF isn't in the Military is she?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Elisha · « **Reply #21 on:** February 12, 2006, 22:07:24 »

I was simply speaking for the situation here in Edmonton. I have heard of single men getting Q's but I can't speak for other bases besides here in Edmonton.

Elisha

Good Luck!

ArmyVern · « **Reply #22 on:** February 13, 2006, 04:06:38 »

Quote from: Shadow Cat on February 12, 2006, 19:11:56

I can tell you right now that anything is possible.

Uhmmm. You are in a totally different situation from him aren't you??

You are married (or common-law) thus qualify for the PMQ.

If he went to Kingston he may get a quarters as a "single"...ie no girlfriend living in there with him. "Single" guys living in 3 bedrooms....just as the previous posters have put it...if there is an abundance of empty PMQs...then singles may move into them (but not their girlfriends...). Until he is married, common-law or has the child...he is not entitled to move his girlfriend into a PMQ or a "singles quarter PMQ." (or to move her anywhere at public expense for that matter as they are not legally related as your and your DH are).

Your situation is not applicable to his circumstances.

Shadow Cat · « **Reply #23 on:** February 14, 2006, 16:29:38 »

If he was able to get a Q that had three bedrooms isnt he entitled at his own expense to move her in there with him? I mean technically at some point the girl has to be able to move in or there would never be common law reltionships once you joined the forces. As I said before be prepared to pay for the move yourself if it is approved.

geo · « **Reply #24 on:** February 14, 2006, 16:49:58 »

You'll find that most career manglers are "cold hearted SOBs" while the Rercuit is undergoing training. Until he's trained - Very seldom is it an issue of what he wants... BQ, SQ & DP1 Trade qualifications are relatively short length courses and the Forces typicaly expects personnel undergoing training to live AND sleep within course / Coy lines. Once you've qualified and the CF figures out where they're sending you - then they'll be real happy to look after the move and make PMQs available.

News:

Author Topic: Tough situation - Girlfriend Pregnant - Common-Law ? (Read 8204 times)