Topic: Single Parenting in the CF

[Springroll]

Well, it has been quite a wild ride the last 8-9 mths...lol

My oldest son moved out here in April and was residing with my mother while I was still in the shacks in Victoria.
In late June, he was hit by a car, so I was recoursed off my course so that I could take a week of compassionate time with him. I did have to fight a little to get the fore noon off the next day so that i could see his ICU Dr and the specialists, but for the most part, my section was supportive and compassionate to the situation.

During my summer leave I went back to Hfx, grabbed my other two kids and all our stuff and moved west. Got lucky and got a PMQ in work point. Close to schools, amenities, and only a 5 minutes commute to work! Right after that, my house out east sold (that is another BS story thx to the ex) and I started back up on my new course, right from scratch. The course has been alot easier this time around, and I have 3 weeks to the day left before graduating and moving on. I think it has only been easier because I had the kids here with me now. I was a working/stay at home mom before, so 10.5 mths without them was very hard for me.

Trying to problem solve before a problem arises has probably been the best thing I could have done.
All three kids have had the flu a few times each, but thanks for a very great friend(my daycare provider) and my family, I have been able to still go to work, worry free. That is a huge relief!! Now I am heading into my next phase of training, my naval environmental training, and then on to my new posting come May, and feel pretty ready for it. My posting has me a little concerned, but there isn't much I can do until I get there and they tell me what will be happening...I am not a fan of the unknown...I MUST know everything..lol That is a good thing and a bad thing, depending on the situation.

I would not worry too much about being a single parent in the CF. There is a great support network out there, and you will make a ton of friends who will help you out in your times of need(such as a weekend duty watch!). I have not utilized the MFRC as of yet. I have found they have been more directed towards the SAHM/spouses of CF members. I am gonna take some time next week to go in there and see what services i am able to utilize, that are more directed towards my situation.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any more questions, just pm me on here...I will gladly answer them!
Cheers!

[PMedMoe]

Sounds like things are working out great, Springroll.  Glad to hear it.
I know it's difficult being away from your kids.  My daughter is 16 years old and lives with her Dad.  They have been living in Labrador and N.B. and I have been in Ontario since she was 4.  We get to see each other 2-3 times a year for a week or two at a time and it's hard.  But one thing I can say, she's so much like me that my ex (actually a nice guy) has never really been rid of me! 

[exgunnertdo]

Something for all single parents to know about - Family Care Allowance.  Provides $$ for extra child care if you are away from home overnight for service reasons.  (Extra being the operative word - you are still responsible for day-to-day child care, this is for the nights).  There are a few specific rules related to the allowance, so check it out before hand.  Also applies to service couples who are both away at the same time.

[Springroll]

Something for all single parents to know about - Family Care Allowance.

Is this something through the CF or through the MFRC??
That may be just one more thing I can take off my plate!!

[PMedMoe]

It would appear that it is through the CF.

CBI 209.335 - FAMILY CARE ASSISTANCE

[exgunnertdo]

Even more info contained in the DCBA Aide-Memoire -
http://hr.ottawa-hull.mil.ca/dgcb/dcba/engraph/download_aide_mem_e.asp?docid=117&sidesection=2&sidecat=7

[Springroll]

Thanks a bunch, both of you!!
Gonna print that stuff up today at work!

[airmich]

The FCA is great!  I have used it many times, most recently for when I was on my 3's course last year.  The money sure added up and really helped me out alot. 

A big thing to note on it, even though it says right within the regulations, many clerks haven't processed a claim for it before and aren't too up on everything.  It DOES NOT have to be a registered child care provider ("commercial care").  Therefore, if a family member (this member cannot reside permanently at your place of residence though) or neighbour looks after your child(ren), all you need to provide for a receipt is a signed note ("declaration") from that person stating that they looked after so-and-so for this period of time for this amount of money.

I don't think this benefit is as widely known as it should be. 

[Celticgirl]

I'm a single parent just applying to the CF, and I have to thank springroll for this thread because I've had similar questions. I'm glad to see that this is 'doable'!

[exgunnertdo]

Be cautious about "banking" this money (FCA) too soon - the policy states, among other things that the member must be "MOS qualified, i.e. a member must have completed a MOS qualification, or moved D, HG&E at public expense for service reasons;"

Airmich qualified on her 3s based on being trade qual'd in another trade. 

Fresh recruits off the street are not eligible for this as a rule - don't count your money till it arrives in the bank.

[airmich]

Airmich qualified on her 3s based on being trade qual'd in another trade. 

Fresh recruits off the street are not eligible for this as a rule - don't count your money till it arrives in the bank.

Thanks exgunnertdo.  I knew there was something else that I meant to stress in my earlier post.  I was lucky in this regards, to have been previously qualified and able to receive the funds.  For new members starting out, it is a long haul, especially with the wait times for a QL3 course.  Be sure that your support system is in place (with backups and backup for your backups!) BEFORE you go on course.  As much as you are still going to worry about your kids, you need to have an ease of mind to allow yourself to maintain your focus on your career.

[Springroll]

So, let me just get this straight in my head.

I am entitled to FCA if:
(a) I am MOS qual'd
or
(b) have had my HG&E(household goods and effects) moved at public expense

I had my HG&E moved out last July at public expense, before I was MOS qual'd. Would this then entitle me to FCA now?

Not that it really matters for me right now. I on on night classes and then grad in 2 weeks, but I am sure there are others out there who have had public expense moves before finishing(or even starting) their 3's training, and this fund would help them out if they were in a sticky situation and required someone to watch their children evenings or weekends due to training.

[airmich]

Springroll, yes you would be entitled to it as you've had a move.  I'm not at work on a DIN computer so I can't quote exactly, but be advised that this is NOT APPLICABLE for evening training or situations similar as it is in effect for 24+ hours only.  I'll put the quote on tonight when I go into work, or if someone else could before that to show the exact wording.

[Springroll]

Thanks airmich!

I am on night classes right now, and last week was a bit of a blur with all the PC's, so I haven't checked out the link as of yet.
If anyone is able to post it up here, that would be fantastic!

[exgunnertdo]

It's not meant to cover "weird" work schedules (evenings, weekends, etc).  It's meant to cover time when you are required to be away from your home for over 24 hours.  The directive even specifically excludes being "on duty."  So - TD, on ship, in the field.  That type of thing. 

4. Entitlement

4.1 Absent from place of duty

A member who for service reasons, is absent from their place of duty for a period of 24 hours or more, is entitled to be reimbursed for dependant care services in an amount set out in paragraph (5), if the member:

a. does not have a spouse or common-law partner; or
b. has a spouse or common-law partner who is a member but that spouse or common-law partner:

            (i) does not live at the member’s place of duty for service reasons, or
            (ii) lives at the member’s place of duty, but for service reasons is absent form that place of duty during the same period.

4.2 Absent from family home

A member who, while on military training or military exercise at their place of duty, is absent from their family home for a period of 24 hours or more is entitled to be reimbursed for dependant care services in an amount set out in paragraph (5), if the member:

a. does not have a spouse or common-law partner; or
b. has a spouse or common-law partner who is a member but that spouse or common-law partner:

          (i) does not live at the member’s place of duty for service reasons, or
          (ii) lives at the member’s place of duty, but for service reasons is absent from that place of duty during the same period.

4.3 Service Couples

If both members of a service couple who are serving at the same place of duty are absent from the family home for a period of 24 hours or more while on military training or military exercise at that place of duty, one of the members is entitled to be reimbursed for dependant care services in an amount set out in paragraph (5)

Para 6 of the directive lists a bunch of exclusions:

6. Limitations There is no entitlement to FCA if any of the conditions listed at paragraphs 6.1 to 6.4 apply.

6.1 Serving a Punishment
A member who is absent from their family home/or place of duty in order to serve a punishment imposed by a service tribunal is not considered to be absent for service reasons.
6.2 Biological Parent or Person Fulfilling Parental Responsibilities
A biological parent residing in the same geographical boundaries as the member or the person caring for the child has lived with the member, and carried out any parental roles and/or responsibilities.
6.3 Duty Watch
Members required to remain overnight at their place of duty specifically for the purposes of scheduled overnight duty.
6.4 Caregiver Age
The person caring for the child is younger than 18 years of age.
6.5 Exemption – Resident with Member
A member is not entitled to be reimbursed for dependant care or services if a person who is 18 years of age or older is normally resident with the member, unless that person:
a. suffers from a physical or mental disability and is incapable of providing dependant care; or
b. provides dependant care services as a regular source of income. An example of this would be a full-time live in Nanny.

When you get a chance, read the whole aide-memoire (the FCA section) to get a picture of the whole thing.  Remember this is just selected bits of the policy.

[Springroll]

Since I already made this thread on single parenting, I figured I would throw in some discussion on the FCP( Family Care Plan).

Recently in my section, my CoC said they were having some concerns that I was not utilizing my FCP as much as I should be in regards to my kids appts.
According to the CANFORGEN and the DAOD, the FCP is to be used when a member has a forecasted or unscheduled absence from the home, not or taking kids to dentist appts and such.

Am I incorrect in this thinking?

The reason I ask is because over the last 3 weeks, I have had all three kids to the dentist on two seperate days(still returning to work afterwards), one meeting with my oldest sons school(only gone for 45 minutes) and have an upcoming dental appt for my daughter to be fitted for her appliance(maybe be gone for an hour).

Is it unreasonable for me to be making this appointments for my kids?
I did not make any appts for them while I was on course(6mths long) and begin another course in just over a week.


**edited for spelling

[scoutfinch]

Do what the rest of the world does and make the appointments for weekends or evenings.

[Springroll]

I am sure the school and the dentist will be willing to do that...

[scoutfinch]

You aren't really suggesting that kids appointments with doctors, dentists and eye doctors and parent teacher interviews can't be scheduled for evenings and weekends, are you?

But what would I know?  I've only been doing it for 21 years.

 

[Springroll]

You aren't really suggesting that kids appointments with doctors, dentists and eye doctors and parent teacher interviews can't be scheduled for evenings and weekends, are you?

But what would I know?  I've only been doing it for 21 years.

 

I am not new to this either...been doing it for 14 yrs, but not as a CF member and not as a single parent in the CF.
I was more or less looking for advice from those "in the know" and with experience when it comes to this type of situation and to verfiy that my interpretation of the FCP is correct or not. I do not believe you have the experience, or knowledge of this, to assist in answering my question.

I definitely am not interested in your belittling attitude towards this situation.
If you want to be like that, PM me and do it there so that everyone is not subjected to it.

Cheers!

[scoutfinch]

Hmmmm.  I've done it as a service spouse. I've done it as a single parent university student.  I've done it as a working parent with a spouse. I've done it as a member of the CF.  So chances are, I know what I am talking about.

You asked for advice.  You got advice.  You didn't like the advice because you were looking for someone to say 'poor you'.  Well, suck it up.  Just like every other employed (military or civilian) parent (single or otherwise), you aren't ENTITLED to time off from your job in order to attend appointments unrelated to your job. 

If your employer gives you the time off, bonus.  If not, find a way to deal with it... like make appointments on weekends and evenings.  It really is that simple.

[Springroll]

Hmmmm.  I've done it as a service spouse. I've done it as a single parent university student.  I've done it as a working parent with a spouse. I've done it as a member of the CF.  So chances are, I know what I am talking about.

So if you know what you are talking about, how about you discuss the FCP then...and what it is intended for....

[CDN Aviator]

like make appointments on weekends and evenings.  It really is that simple.

Yup, it is that simple. Did the single parent thing before and doing it again next school year. Sometimes, you get time off, some days you have to take annual leave and sometimes you do what you have to do on evenings and weekends.

[scoutfinch]

I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?

This really isn't about the FCP, despite it being raised as an issue with you.  I think the point that was being raised with you was that you need to engage a caregiver to take your kids to appointments.  Bottom line -- whether you use the same person listed on your FCP or not -- you are expected to work during work hours and you are expected to have made child care arrangements for those times.  I suspect that is the message that was being conveyed to you; however, you seem to think that you are entitled to take the time off because you are a single parent.  Well, you aren't.  No more than someone who has a stay at home spouse or a working spouse.  It's pretty straight forward and I don't know why you can't see that.

So, you really have two choices:  find someone to take your kids to appointments and/or schedule appointments on weekends and evenings.  Otherwise, take a day of leave.

P

[Springroll]

I still don't think you understand my question. As I posted yesterday, here is an exert from it:
 

Recently in my section, my CoC said they were having some concerns that I was not utilizing my FCP as much as I should be in regards to my kids appts.
According to the CANFORGEN and the DAOD, the FCP is to be used when a member has a forecasted or unscheduled absence from the home, not for taking kids to dentist appts and such.

Am I incorrect in this thinking?

Then I went on to give an example of the appts....how is that to be interpreted as me feeling "entitled"? I do not feel entitled to getting the time off, but it's not like I am asking for time to go out and do my banking, pay bills or go for coffee(as some of them have done).

I asked a question, gave the reason why I was asking the question, and requested clarification by those with more experience then I when it comes to the FCP being used.

You take it however you want to, but I think you are reading way to much into my post.

Cheers!