Author Topic: My Son Is Going to Afghanstan. (Read 4983 times)

adams_mom · « **on:** February 02, 2007, 23:26:35 »

First time posting and if I put this in wrong spot I am sorry. My son is being deployed on Feb 8 to Afghanstan. I am so scared he is so young. I am in tears writing this and don't know what to say or do. Any suggestions on how to cope for me as I have kept my feelings from him. I don't want him worrying over there and not concentrating on what he is doing.
I do come from a military family although my dad never had to go overseas when we were born so this is a first time for me handling this.

Susan

MOD EDIT: FIXED TITLE

Good2Golf · « **Reply #1 on:** February 02, 2007, 23:34:59 »

Susan, he is going over well trained and well equipped, with enough experienced soldiers with previous tours to keep an eye out for everyone, including your son. It's your right, heck...even you duty as his mother, to be concerned -- we would expect nothing less from a Mom! Continue to be concerned for him...but not worried. Be there to listen to him when he phones home to tell you about how things are going for him and his compatriots. Be happy for him that he will be achieving something that very few people have the opportunity to do. The thanks he will unquestionably get from Afghans as he helps them rebuild and develop their country will be treasured memories he will hold forever. Don't hesitate in the slightest to ask anything of us here to help you if you need to talk about anything.

Regards,
G2G

Nerf herder · « **Reply #2 on:** February 02, 2007, 23:40:33 »

Susan,

You posted in the right spot.

The best thing that you can do for both him and yourself is to be there for him.....and obviously you are,unconditionally.

Use this site to vent, educate yourself on coping techniques and what to send your son in care packages.

There are plenty of ideas here for you to explore.

Also there are many sources of information that are available to you here as well.

There are many parents who come to this site for the exact same reason you did, but for some haven't taken the first step in posting their fears.

Just remember this.......You are not alone.

Regards

zipperhead_cop · « **Reply #3 on:** February 02, 2007, 23:44:05 »

Adams_mom:
Take some time and see some of the threads around the site. Canada is really making some progress in Afghanistan, and people like your boy are making it happen. Everyone is pulling together and is doing their best to cover each others back sides. I know that you will not feel completely okay until you meet him in September (?) in Kingston on his return, but he is in good company in the mean time.
Like G2G said, don't hesitate to ask if you need anything. I believe there is a Family Resource Center through the CF, but I don't have a link for it. Anyone?
Godspeed to Adam, and our prayers are with you.

Roy Harding · « **Reply #4 on:** February 02, 2007, 23:47:24 »

Quote from: adams_mom on February 02, 2007, 23:26:35

First time posting and if I put this in wrong spot I am sorry. My son is being deployed on Feb 8 to Afghanstan. I am so scared he is so young. I am in tears writing this and don't know what to say or do. Any suggestions on how to cope for me as I have kept my feelings from him. I don't want him worrying over there and not concentrating on what he is doing.
I do come from a military family although my dad never had to go overseas when we were born so this is a first time for me handling this.

Susan

Adams Mom:

Bless you - you are one of the forgotten ones - the Moms, Dads, Brothers, Sisters of those who serve.

If I can suggest a few coping mechanisms (I've been around the block one or twice);

DON'T listen to/watch the news, they have a habit of sensationalizing things. If something happens to Adam (which it won't) YOU'll know LONG before the public media.

Remember that you are surrounded by a community of caring people - this includes Adam's regiment, his branch, and the Canadian Forces as a whole - as well as folks here on Army.ca.

DON'T count the days 'till he comes home - it only emphasizes the fact that he's away.

DON'T worry if he doesn't call when he promised he would - he can't control circumstances over there, the best of intentions on his part can be thwarted by circumstances, or military security requirements.

REMEMBER that Adam is one of the best trained soldiers in the world - he'll know what needs to be done whatever the circumstances - and he'll be right, every time.

Madame; your son Adam is a fine man - I know this because he has volunteered to be a member of the CF; he's been trained, and he's ready; I feel your anxiety, and I feel your concern.

If you wish, please PM me with your concerns - I'd be happy to correspond with a Canadian Soldier's Mom. If I can't answer those concerns, I can at least put you in touch with the right agencies.

Roy Harding

proudnurse · « **Reply #5 on:** February 02, 2007, 23:49:04 »

Susan, Welcome and my thoughts and prayers are with you, your son and his fellow soldiers! There is alot of great support here. Take some time and write him some letters, make him some care packages of his favourite things also, I have a good list of some things you can or cannot send, if you would like it just let me know. Keep your chin up, and we're here anytime you need us for a warm shoulder. There are also alot of others that have or are going through the same thing as you are right now with a loved one being deployed, I know that any questions you may have, they will be able to answer.

God Bless

Rebecca

proudnurse · « **Reply #6 on:** February 03, 2007, 00:09:41 »

I just peeked around here, and found this thread and there is alot of info about care packages. I thought it would be broader than what I have myself.

http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,35935.0.html

Rebecca

xo31@711ret · « **Reply #7 on:** February 03, 2007, 02:13:27 »

Susan, Adam is one of the best trained soldiers in the world with the best equipment and support. He is lead by the the best trained, disciplined, caring NCO's & officers. Nothing can replace his immediate family (yourself and family). His 'second' family; his peers, supervisors, unit are there for him. Listen to what others posted here, they Know what they say.

to you and all our families

MedTech · « **Reply #8 on:** February 03, 2007, 03:46:16 »

Adam's Mom:

I cant say I understand what you're going through, but I can say that my mother, and other loved ones have similar concerns for me. They cant fathom why I would want to leave my country, go to another country, and attempt to stabilize it. It will be tough, there will be no lying about that, for you and others who love Adam. But, remember that he will not be alone when he's over there. He will be with his friends, new friends, brothers and sister of different blood but the same family.

Welcome to Army.ca. There are many members here who would no doubt be glad to chat with you with regards to your concerns and fears. Our soldiers are well cared for by those who lead them. My troops haven't even left for Over There yet, and I'm already worried about them and their families.

Be strong. It is also through you that your son will draw his strength from. From you and all of us. Best wishes to you and your son.

You know where we are.

Carcharodon Carcharias · « **Reply #9 on:** February 03, 2007, 05:26:33 »

Dear Adam's Mom,

Welcome to army.ca.

Take it from someone who is deployed right now. I've been here since August. What matters most of all is support from home. Mail, emails, phone calls, and remember, just knowing that someone back home is thinking about him, well it makes it easier, and just you being there for him helps a lot.

As for what goes on over here, I guess its a parents duty to worry, but you can't worry about things you have no control over. Again remember, he is among friends, the closest he'll ever have in his life. He is with the best Canada has to offer, he has great equipment, and is trained to an exceptional high standard.

I won't BS you, its a dangerous place in this neck of the woods, the days are long, but the time passes quickly, and before you know it, he'll be back on leave, and then home safe and sound soon enough afterwards.

You are not alone in your concern. There is lots of worried parents and spouses, friends and family out there.

I look after a platoon of young guys here, and as much as would rather be home back in my beloved Australia, there is no other place I'd rather be than here right now. They're my family as dysfunctional as they are, they are the best.

I wish your Son and his Unit a safe and speedy tour,

Regards from Baghdad,

Wes

GUNS · « **Reply #10 on:** February 03, 2007, 10:51:44 »

Adam's Mom,

You are not alone with your tears.

The previous posts have excellent information and you should follow it to the best of your ability.

Don't try to deal with this on your own, get in contact with your son's unit. They are more than willing to help in any way possible.

The MFRC(Military Family Resources Center) is your best bet, the MFRC in our area meet every Tuesday night. I am sure your son's unit can provide a MFRC nearest you.

One more thing to add, don't be afraid everytime the phone rings. I doubt very much it will ever happen but you will be contacted in person if the situation warrents it.

Adam's Mom, there are millions of people that support your son's decision, be proud, be very,very proud of him.

You are not alone.

adams_mom · « **Reply #11 on:** February 03, 2007, 11:12:13 »

Thank you all for your words of encourgement, advice and links. It does help a bit. I am glad this site showed up when I did a search on google. Will be coming here quite a bit. I have booked the day he is flying out off. I had to explain to my boss why and he still did not understand why I would have a hard time. /sigh. Although I must say he is a single man no children so that may be why he does not understand why I feel I will be in no shape to work.

I will say this I have just been reunited with my son over Christmas, and will not be the first notified of good or bad things. I will be getting the info 2nd hand but his brothers(my sons) have promised to let me know asap.

I plan on sending out LOTS of care packages, letters, emails. I was thinking of packages monthly and weekly letters, is that too much?

On a side note how is the internet connection over there? Are they able to get on a computer to play online games like World of Warcraft? I have the game and am planning if he can play it to send to him too.

Susan

military granny · « **Reply #12 on:** February 03, 2007, 11:36:15 »

Susan

I ,like you, am a soldiers mom. These young men (boys) we have raised are some of the best soldiers in the world. We, the mothers, do get forgotten but I found if I let it be known to the "rear party" that I wanted the phone calls and news letters that they were more then happy to oblige. Please know that you are not alone, even when our sons and daughters come home we still think about the other sons and daughters that are still there.
Susan if you ever need to talk please feel free to contact me. I will be thinking about Adam and you in the coming weeks and months.
As for care packages, I sent one every couple weeks with letters in them and told him to send an email if there was anything he needed right away. It seemed to work out OK for us .

swahili · « **Reply #13 on:** February 03, 2007, 12:13:56 »

Susan, unless he brings his own laptop, he probably won't have access to a computer long enough to do games and stuff... mine bought a laptop during his HTLA which he used. He was not allowed to hook online with it (security reasons, etc...)

Also - if your sons say to hold back info until you are informed (injury, death, etc) they will so don't worry about that either. You won't hear the name on the news. You can also be added to the form I believe, for notification.

My husband just got back at end of June... communication was alright, phone times are limited, if he gets to the computer at non-busy times, he can probably stay on there long enough to send some emails, etc... might seem a bit of a bummer but - just 10-12 years ago in Bosnia, you were lucky to get 10 minutes once a month on the phone. I think hubby only talked to his parents twice his whole tour... not by choice but circumstance

So, when you get frustrated, just remember the advancements (satellite phones) that have been made

Take care!

camochick · « **Reply #14 on:** February 03, 2007, 18:05:57 »

My husband came back in August from the ghan and I will say that the tour was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But like most have said here, Stay busy, come here for support, and try not to watch the news (It really is impossible, for months ctv newsnet was on 24/7 in my house). The only thing you can do though is to have faith in him, and the people he works with.
As for communication, I guess it depends on what he is doing over there. Some women I know had husbands who stayed in camp the whole tour and they would have a few hours a day to chat online or on the phone. My husband was outside the wire for the most part, so we didn't get alot of computer time, but they did have an awesome Sat phone (Well as awesome as a sat phone can get) so sometimes I would get a quick call almost everyday, but sometimes it would be two weeks between calls. I sent a package a month for the first 4 months and I sent a letter almost every week. Hubby loved everything, even if it was just a silly home made card , because it was something from home. I didn't send alot of practical things (razors , deodorant, etc) because they can buy that over there, but because he was outside the wire alot, I sent alot of canned goods so he wouldn't have to eat rations all the time (According to hubby, Crystal Light single serve packs are awesome but don't send pop tarts) .
Just take it one day at a time, feel free to pm me if you need to chat. Cheers!!

swahili · « **Reply #15 on:** February 03, 2007, 22:05:57 »

I second the crystal light packages as well! Many, many, MANY of those got sent and were all used up. I sent a jar of kool-aid too (pre-mixed, sugar already added) and he mixed those... kool-aid also released shortly after, some kool-aid single mix packages too now, so I would have started sending those ... and I guess I'll be sending those in the future too

If he has aspartame issues, I wouldn't send that since that is what the sweetener is

Spandrel · « **Reply #16 on:** February 04, 2007, 00:59:19 »

Susan, here is some info. If you have it already, please ignore:

You can contact your nearest local Military Family Resource Centre (MFRC) using the search engine here: http://www.cfpsa.com/en/psp/dmfs/mfrccontact/index.asp#. MFRCs do a lot of good work to support and assist CF families, both during deployment and in normal military life. They also support the parents and relatives of single soldiers, no matter where they are. If there is an MFRC near you they will help you out.

You can also call the Mission Information Line at 1-800-866-4546 for information or to speak with one of the mission support counsellors. The line is manned until midnight both nights with a live counsellor and if an incident happens in theatre at any time of day or night, weekend, holiday or weekday, the staff is up and on the line to respond. They also keep their info boxes with up-to-date information as soon as it is released. The staff are all trained counsellors who have a lot of experience with all sorts of family support functions and are there even if you are just having a hard time and need someone to listen. The MIL has been running for several years now and helping families out.

Best of luck, stay strong and use all the resources available (including Army.ca) to help you shoulder the burden...

AKA Sam · « **Reply #17 on:** February 05, 2007, 12:06:35 »

Susan, my son Doug is leaving on Saturday February 10th for his first tour. I'm scared too. I have found that talking to other moms and dads who have been there has been very helpful so far. Although I've never been involved in military life, my son has wanted to join the CF since he was three years old. His paternal grandfather was a merchant marine and his paternal great grandfather fought at the battle of Vimy Ridge (and survived). So I guess it's in his blood.

We can worry together......just pm me if you want to exchange personal info so we can talk to each other whenever we need to. It does help to know that I'm not alone.

God Bless!

Sam

adams_mom · « **Reply #18 on:** February 05, 2007, 12:21:31 »

Thank you for all of your replies. I have read them over and over again. There is a lot of good advice I am glad I found this site.

To the other moms that posted thank you I offer you my support and prayers.

Trying to deal with it daily and think positively. I have informed everyone in my house (hubby and brother) no news on when I am home. They understand and agree.

Work is another thing. If people tell me one more time they don't understand why I am a mess etc I will scream. Although I work with young kids and to them it seems ummm glamorous like a movie or video game.

It could be also I am super senstitive atm. I don't know I am trying to keep a happy face on for others and deal with this in private. Guess I have to take it day by day.

Susan

camochick · « **Reply #19 on:** February 05, 2007, 14:39:28 »

Adams_mom, one of the things I learned while hubby was on tour is that although the tour is a major thing in your life, others have their own problems (and believe me , I know how hard it can be not to scream at someone who is complaining there boyfriend is gone to Ft mcMurray for a week). But you can always come here and fine people who understand what you're going through. Hang in there, have faith and things will work out in the end.

mil · « **Reply #20 on:** February 06, 2007, 21:00:29 »

Susan, my son is also going this month. I worry about him, but take comfort in knowing that he and the men and women he will be there with are extremely well trained.
Keep smiling, think positive and be strong for your son. And remember, you're not alone.

adams_mom · « **Reply #21 on:** February 09, 2007, 13:54:25 »

Just talked to son he is over there. Not sure where as there was alot of stuff he was not able to say. I am glad I was on msn when he logged in. I had so many ? but have to realize he has to follow orders etc. Guess it will take time.

It was some good though to have contact.

Susan

MediPea · « **Reply #22 on:** February 09, 2007, 14:10:29 »

Glad to hear your son made it over and has made contact. You'll learn quickly what they can and can't say, and adjust your conversations accordingly. I know in the beginning of this tour I wanted to ask a million questions, but quickly learned he really couldn't say much. But it sure is nice just to have them there, "talking" to you eh? Sometimes there can be quite a span in time before you hear next, try not to worry. They get pretty busy over there, and with the time differences schedules don't mix too well. I bought a pair of speakers and would leave MSN on all through the night, with the sound up high so that he could get ahold of me at all hours. Which was a great idea since I usually heard between midnight and 8am or so.

Best of luck on this tour for you and your son. Please do come here if you need anything. There's lots of us that have been through a tour and will gladly share any advice/tips we have. I know 6 months seems like a LONG time, but when it's over you will look back on it all and wonder where the time went. This tour for me is just coming to an end now in the next week or so, and it has definitely been an experience I won't forget.

proudnurse · « **Reply #23 on:** February 09, 2007, 14:23:18 »

Susan

Glad to hear that Adam made it over safe and sound along with his fellow Soldiers. Keep us posted on how he is doing, and I am so happy that you got to talk with him, even for a little while. Sounds like you've learned already, to appreciate the conversations even if they don't seem to last very long. I'm glad you've found a place here with everyone, to talk with and share your thoughts and feelings. I'll continute to keep Adam, yourself and those he is serving with in my prayers!

Have a good day

Rebecca

PS~ I'm glad that I found this tread today with some current replies, as there was something I forgot to tell you the one day. When making care packages, or writing letters don't forget to include a little extra something for everyone else, as there are some Soldiers that receive little or no mail. They will love that.

labamba · « **Reply #24 on:** February 10, 2007, 15:04:16 »

Hello Susan:

I read your post re: your son and wanted
to send prayers and all good thoughts for him.

Also to you. I can not imagine walking in your shoes

Sending prayers to all others going over in near future.

LaBamba

May they be kept safe
from HARM.

IN HOC SIGNO · « **Reply #25 on:** February 10, 2007, 16:41:45 »

Susan
As you can see this is a huge family, in the military and here on Army.ca. We are all praying for you, Adam and all our troops and families.
I am a Chaplain with the CF and would also tell you that the Chaplains are there for you should you need a compassionate ear and a real live person to talk to.
Padre Organ and his team at Gagetown are down in numbers because four of them are with Adam in the Sand box but there are other Chaplains there who will listen and support you, (422-4100)
The MFRC is an excellent resource too, lots of support and they will have the ability to video conference.
Please feel free to PM me as well if you need support. I am presently posted in Halifax but served four years in Gagetown.
Hang in there...you are not alone. God bless.

(Hey mike can I get an emoticon of a Padre giving a blessing??

)

Kat Stevens · « **Reply #26 on:** February 10, 2007, 16:58:04 »

adams-mom: Wanna trade kids? My oldests greatest accomplishment in life is that he's finished every Tony Hawke game there is. Be proud, stand tall, he'll be back before you know it.

CdnArtyWife · « **Reply #27 on:** February 10, 2007, 17:19:18 »

Hey Susan,

It is not hard to tell from all the responses what a big family the CF is. It's probably why most of us say "There's no life like it!"

You have certainly come to the right place for knowlege, resources and support.

I echo what people have said about contacting the MFRC in your area. MFRC's have recently expanded their target population to the Primary Next of Kin of Single RegF members. (Even when it wasn't mandated, they didn't turn people away) so you are certainly eligible to recieve all the same support as us, the spouses and dependants of the married folk.

My hubby just left for A-stan last week too, as did my two neighbors on either side of me, so I understand your worry.

May your son, and all the others come home safe and in one piece.

CAW

camochick · « **Reply #28 on:** February 10, 2007, 19:57:02 »

I'm glad to hear that the other MFRC's are stepping up the deployment support because the one in Edmonton certainly didn't. Our rear party was awesome though. Perhaps you could see what they have in the way of rear party deployment support. I know that ours held events atleast once a month (things like mother's days bbq's etc). Take care.

CdnArtyWife · « **Reply #29 on:** February 10, 2007, 20:25:47 »

Actually, Gagetown just stood up a Deployment Support Center similar to that found in Edmonton. And since Gagetown is the mounting base for this Task Force, they are mandated to cover everybody attatched to the Task Force, and their families.

MWO Milligan, who is in charge of the DSC, is absolutely fantastic and really approachable. If anyone has any questions regarding support or the Task Force, I highly suggest you contact him. http://www.army.forces.gc.ca/dsc_gagetown/

2023 · « **Reply #30 on:** February 11, 2007, 20:09:43 »

Susan,

My wife just deployed over there..........I can relate to how you feel. Be strong and trust his training. That's all we can do.

Good luck,

Mike

Chilly · « **Reply #31 on:** February 11, 2007, 20:36:53 »

Adam's Mom/Susan,

I can only begin to try to feel what it is that you are going through having put me own parents through this(going on tour) 4 times already. Remember that you are not alone in this as many others have said, and that your son is a well trained soldier.

From 1994 to 2004 I was part of 2RCR, the infantry battalion that your son has been deployed with. They are a first rate bunch of guys and the Sr NCMs will look out for your son as well as the rest of the section. I could say don't worry, but that would be foolish and wrong. It is natural to feel worried, but the best that you can do is to be there when you can for Adam, but don't ever get upset with yourself if you miss a call he will call back when he has time to do so. Keep your head up and forget the fact that these coworkers don't understand, there will always be someone to call, e-mail, or write to when things get rough for you. You will come through this fine and be a stronger person for it and so will Adam.

If you need to talk or have some questions then send me a pm and I will be sure to answer it soon.

Chilly

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Author Topic: My Son Is Going to Afghanstan. (Read 4983 times)