Topic: What to do- Avor's Journey

[Avor]

I know what it is now that I've had a chance to sleep on it, Im on the homestreach, and I hate that place. The real work, challage is beat, and now I just want to be done with it all. Im not patient, even driving places, the closer I get to home, the faster I want to drive. As treatment rounds out I get more frustraited and eager with everything. I feel trapped like this, especialy just the pain. My knees are a mess, they hurt every morning from useing stairs the day before. Ice pack cures it with pain killlers just fine. But I feel even more trapped, living on the couch watching TV and messibg about on my computer. Im accualy pissed off because I cant find all my computer game CDs. But at least I got boxes from Wainwright, gives me some things to sort out and do. Im going to need nore chocolate cake....

But frig, Lang, medicaly things went crazy, anyways my email is Ares2121@gmail.com, msn is the same but @hotmail.com. conntact me.

[Avor]

frig, this is what I hate. I literaly just got back from the grocery store, picking up all sorts stuff I hope is good and know is good, but I feel so tired. I hate that my taste is ****ed, or that I can't see frig all outside a room, but I hate being this ******* weak. Not feeling weak, being.

/rant

[CDN Aviator]

One thing at a time man, one thing at a time.

[JimMorrison19]

frig, this is what I hate. I literaly just got back from the grocery store, picking up all sorts stuff I hope is good and know is good, but I feel so tired. I hate that my taste is ****ed, or that I can't see frig all outside a room, but I hate being this ******* weak. Not feeling weak, being.

/rant

From everything I've read your case is a lot worse than mine was - I had testicular cancer. Keep hanging in there man, where you are now is too far down the road to let it overtake you.

[Avor]

From everything I've read your case is a lot worse than mine was - I had testicular cancer. Keep hanging in there man, where you are now is too far down the road to let it overtake you.

I know I screwed when people with testical cancer feel sorry for me...I guess its no different than how I feel sorry for people who live 7 months in hospital undergoing treatment.

But this is the suffer in silince part, we know whats up, we just sqaure our sholders and march on. Come on, its only 3 more treatments for crying out loud,I will not be overtaken here. I just keep reaching out for the little comforting things, like anybody , but they are so hit and miss. Hits like tonight, where the saveing grace was imitition crab meat, one of the few things that tastes the same, it felt so good to have any kind of normality. A miss is just a needless kick to the knee, it realy just brings everything else down.

[JimMorrison19]

I know I screwed when people with testical cancer feel sorry for me...I guess its no different than how I feel sorry for people who live 7 months in hospital undergoing treatment.

But this is the suffer in silince part, we know whats up, we just sqaure our sholders and march on. Come on, its only 3 more treatments for crying out loud,I will not be overtaken here. I just keep reaching out for the little comforting things, like anybody , but they are so hit and miss. Hits like tonight, where the saveing grace was imitition crab meat, one of the few things that tastes the same, it felt so good to have any kind of normality. A miss is just a needless kick to the knee, it realy just brings everything else down.

I never had the issue with loss of taste but I always felt so sick whenever I smelled anything that the only thing I really could eat was graham crackers and apple juice.

Testicular cancer is actually a very treatable kind, and with the way your treatments are going, yours must be too (I'm not too sure about any kind except my own), it's just taking longer. I actually feel glad for you, not sorry, because I'm a firm believer in things like this making people stronger. Do you play Starcraft?

[Avor]

I never had the issue with loss of taste but I always felt so sick whenever I smelled anything that the only thing I really could eat was graham crackers and apple juice.

Testicular cancer is actually a very treatable kind, and with the way your treatments are going, yours must be too (I'm not too sure about any kind except my own), it's just taking longer. I actually feel glad for you, not sorry, because I'm a firm believer in things like this making people stronger. Do you play Starcraft?

No, I stoped playing that years ago. To many people took it to far, useing spreadsheets to determin what they should build. Plus, my eyrs are still to bad to keep up to a RTS game.

[ballz]

Avor I am a new OCDT with no military experience yet. You have inspired me so much and made me realise the level of dedication and perseverance, and a whole bunch of other good things, it takes to be a solider. Anything less and I will be doing an injustice to you and all other soldiers like you.

You sir, are the cream of the crop.

[GUNS]

Avor,

From reading your post I am getting the impression that your medical condition is getting the upper hand. That's not good.

You have to be in control of your daily routine. Don't let this get the best of you. Avor, when I was told that I had cancer in three different parts of my body. My family was in the hospital room. After the Dr. explained about the cancers, I just layed in the bed, pondering as to how I should react.

My reaction was decided by my family being there. I made up my mind there and then, that I would never allow my family to know the misery that was to follow. I did not want to pass my misery on to my family or others.

I only allowed the misery to have the upper hand when I was alone and only for a few minutes.  Do not allow your mind to dwell on your condition,  keep both your mind and body active.

I am surprised that you were not provided with instructions as to how to handle your medical condition.

As with you, I lost all my hair, I went from being a 6' 2", 225lbs  to 6'2" 176lbs, everything was tasteless and life sucked.

Avor, no matter how bad things are, stay positive. As my Dr. told a nurse when I was having a very bad chemo treatment. "Soldiers make great patients"
I was always positive, miserable but positive.

You will lick this, your prior post tells me so.

Avor, no more negative rants. One day at a time and before you know it. Its nothing more than a bad dream.

My prayers are with you.

[Avor]

Avor,

From reading your post I am getting the impression that your medical condition is getting the upper hand. That's not good.

You have to be in control of your daily routine. Don't let this get the best of you. Avor, when I was told that I had cancer in three different parts of my body. My family was in the hospital room. After the Dr. explained about the cancers, I just layed in the bed, pondering as to how I should react.

My reaction was decided by my family being there. I made up my mind there and then, that I would never allow my family to know the misery that was to follow. I did not want to pass my misery on to my family or others.

I only allowed the misery to have the upper hand when I was alone and only for a few minutes.  Do not allow your mind to dwell on your condition,  keep both your mind and body active.

I am surprised that you were not provided with instructions as to how to handle your medical condition.

Thats the other thing, this mess has been going on for over a year now, the whole "you have cancer". Admin wise, I was told alot of things and eventualy fell between the cracks. Its only recently that my camcer has become an issue. I don't know whats going on, the doctors don't, the other doctors are just there for the radiation. I'm left out of the loop so much because there is no loop, by the time I was in for radiation they were asking my mom about resuscitation orders. Things got realy ****ed realy fast, and alot got missed.

As with you, I lost all my hair, I went from being a 6' 2", 225lbs  to 6'2" 176lbs, everything was tasteless and life sucked.

Avor, no matter how bad things are, stay positive. As my Dr. told a nurse when I was having a very bad chemo treatment. "Soldiers make great patients"
I was always positive, miserable but positive.

You will lick this, your prior post tells me so.

Avor, no more negative rants. One day at a time and before you know it. Its nothing more than a bad dream.

My prayers are with you.

Of course I will beat this. but understand that this is the only negative outlet I have, the only place I can just let some of it out. I'm half ******* blind, I cant work on my models, I can't play video games, I ccan't read the TV listings. Maybe I whine and rant alot, but it makes me feel better and right now its one of the few things I have.


2 more treatments left.

[Rodahn]

If this is the only real forum that you feel safe in ranting about your situation, then I say rant away my friend. And remember that if you need anything I'm here in the area.

Take care and get well.

Chimo.

[Avor]

If this is the only real forum that you feel safe in ranting about your situation, then I say rant away my friend. And remember that if you need anything I'm here in the area.

Take care and get well.

Chimo.

Thank you, it's just that here is the only place peopple understand how it would feel to go from soldier to this level of weekness.

[ArmyVern]

Thank you, it's just that here is the only place peopple understand how it would feel to go from soldier to this level of weekness.

You're simply going from a high level of physicality to a lower level of physicality - temporarily - due to sickness, not weakness - your strength of mind and body and, your courage of heart and soul, is obvious - and that is exactly what will pull you through this.

Rant all you wish --- just don't toss your comuputer about!! 

Chin up, spirits high, smile on ... only two more to go! There always is the bright side of life.

PM inbound.

[Avor]

Its not all gloomful ranting, remember that I was badged. To go from c0rnflake to PPCLI, to have a room of officers say practicaly "You didn't do BIQ, but we still think your the right stuff and are makeing you one of us". The other thhing I take away is the "I" of the "PPCLI", shen I spoke nobody had any objection to going back and doing BIQ. Only military undertand that, fhat kind of desire, much less the importanced of being badged alone.

[GUNS]

Avor,

PM inbound

[Avor]

My radiation is done, its nothing but recouvery from here on out. Walking is better day by day, taste in a month, sight they say about two.

[Avor]

Doctor's appointment in Victoria tommorow, stupid hour drive. Im sorry, I need a moment to gloat here. Before I ended up in hospital I was buying a place. Today I was finnaly able to get in the bank to do some needed paper work, but I was shocked to find out minimum payment was only $620.  As a single male, with no bills, I'm laughing. I already puy myself down for double morage payment, and I plan to make out what I can do in lump sum payments.

It's kind of unreal, to be in the housing market, so stress free, so quick to be paid down, and all while just out of radiation.

Like I said, sorry to gloat, but a soldier's pay is accualy alot if you have no other bills or obligations.

EDIT- Oh, I forgot, I'm going to be rentingg the place out for 800 a month. Already have a renter lined up with tennent agreement signed. The seller needs to stay in BC untill thier house in Alberta is being finnished.

[Avor]

Chin up, spirits high, smile on ... only two more to go! There always is the bright side of life.

Like  how good I am money wise!...sorry, but with all the cancer stuff, seeing other cancer patients dealing with the challage, it feels realy good to know I don't have to worry about money like they do. Not only that, to be buying a place...

But maybe I should not be so happy, I may have to live om this place for lide. For all I know I could be kicked out of the army, left a cripple liveing off of a lawsuit and disability penttion. I'm still on some crazy pain killers, and I never know if my sight will come back, they say two months, but I haven't accauly seen the eye doctor yet. Well, at least I got the referene for him from my appointment I had today.


Medicaly, I am walking better, getting up and down stairs better. Better, not good yet, but still better. Going to the bathroom is ok, the importantt thing is that I haven't blown up, so I'm happy. I am also happy is that it's not greasy crap, it' clean, and that's good when I have to poop 3 times a day. I am also getting to a more normal wieght, 190 lbs, still 10 lbs less than when I went down, but up the 175 I was at the low point. It's so nice to be done with hosptital food. I am so sick of hosptial chicken two times a day I have not eaten any chicken since I've been home. In fact I've been keen on random things like peanut butter and jam sandwich, soup, and immitation crab meat.

[FastEddy]

I hear what your saying. Im home on the couch, but its going to be a while untill I really start to feel better. I guess I woun't untill last treatment is over wensday.

Im just sick of feeling sick.

Yes that's very true and at times its harder to bear than the actual Illness or Treatments, but its a perfectly normal reaction.

You've born up fantastically well considering your Serious Set Back, just bear in mind, no matter how long or dark the Tunnel is, there always a Light at its end.

Our Prayers and Thoughts are with you.

Cheers.

[daftandbarmy]

I am also happy is that it's not greasy crap, it' clean, and that's good when I have to poop 3 times a day.

Well, it's obvious you didn't take my advice about drinking whisky then. Geez, if I wasn't taking my own advice I'd be hurt...   

[Avor]

Well, it's obvious you didn't take my advice about drinking whisky then. Geez, if I wasn't taking my own advice I'd be hurt...   

Im affaird to even think about drinks. The pain killers I'm on is accauly some kind of morphine, Im remember how much T3s and booze ****ed me up. To drink like this would be insane! LOL.

[daftandbarmy]

Im affaird to even think about drinks. The pain killers I'm on is accauly some kind of morphine, Im remember how much T3s and booze ****ed me up. To drink like this would be insane! LOL.

The 'I' in Infantry stands for 'Insane'. 

[Avor]

Things are going ok. No improvement on sight, I just hope it's not cataracts or something that will require surgery. I got a phobia when it comes the eyes, I begin to freak out just thinking about eye surgery. The only reason why I was able to do basic PRK was in order to be infantry.

ANyways, taste is comeing come slowly, say about 35-49% back. Living here on the couch has it's ups and downs. My general mobility is getting better, the more I get up and around house and downtown, the more the mussles are used, the better they get. Sometimes at the end of a outing I just feel tired and sore. Like yesterday I was at the bank, layers, and comic/model store. Im just not use to so mucch movement, its going to take a while before I do. 

With my eyes the way they are. all I realy do is build Warhammer 40k models. (Little men and tanks that you build, paint, and play on a table with dice and meassureing tape.). It  keeps my hands busy, but I with the eyes I haven't dared to paint anything.

[Teflon]

Keep at it Friend and Best Wishes !

Keep getting stronger!

[Avor]

Holy frig last night sucked.

The steroids im on are working as anti-inflamitroies. Reduction is dousage last night was not fun. My ancles, elbow, knees and wrists all hurt like no tommorow. The worst was getting up to go to the bathroom. Ice packs and pain killers became my new best friends untill about noon., Hopefully tonight is bestter, my body adapting to the reduction in meds, but now I will be exspecting pain and will be ready with meds. as needed.