Author Topic: Afghanistan, is it worth it- Cheating Spouse Thread (Read 50082 times)

patriot1112 · « **on:** August 25, 2008, 21:55:36 »

Well i just got back from TF 1-08. sent home couple weeks early due to finding out my wife had an affair while i was deployed, i was very destructive to say the least, so they sent me home.

Ive been home for several days and i cant help but feel my whole 6 months was a waste. My wife is unwilling to reconcile, and does not feel for me anymore. We had a perfect marriage before i left , and now theres nothing. So for anyone thinking about going on deployment ask yourself what you might be giving up because this sucks, and it was not worth it. Im headed down a pretty grim road, and i dont wish it on anyone. dont make my mistake. i thought this was something i had to experience and she should understand. however ill tell u what i experienced. i realised u can die over there. it is not cool, and there is no glory. Afghanistan is not fun... will i go back, probably but only because the one thing i had in my life that was worth anything is now gone. deploying does give some meaning to your life, and it has its moments, but think about what you could have back home, that is far more important. dont make my mistake.

Kat Stevens · « **Reply #1 on:** August 25, 2008, 22:06:32 »

If she was gonna go, she would have gone the next time you were on course, or exercise, or tasking. Deployment was just the gap in the wire she needed to bolt. Just an opinion of course, but I've seen it dozens of times.

CDN Aviator · « **Reply #2 on:** August 25, 2008, 22:14:56 »

Quote from: Kat Stevens on August 25, 2008, 22:06:32

If she was gonna go, she would have gone the next time you were on course, or exercise, or tasking. Deployment was just the gap in the wire she needed to bolt. Just an opinion of course, but I've seen it dozens of times.

Same here........

Carcharodon Carcharias · « **Reply #3 on:** August 26, 2008, 00:28:03 »

Quote from: patriot1112 on August 25, 2008, 21:55:36

Well i just got back from TF 1-08. sent home couple weeks early due to finding out my wife had an affair while i was deployed, i was very destructive to say the least, so they sent me home.

Ive been home for several days and i cant help but feel my whole 6 months was a waste. My wife is unwilling to reconcile, and does not feel for me anymore. We had a perfect marriage before i left , and now theres nothing. So for anyone thinking about going on deployment ask yourself what you might be giving up because this sucks, and it was not worth it. Im headed down a pretty grim road, and i dont wish it on anyone. dont make my mistake. i thought this was something i had to experience and she should understand. however ill tell u what i experienced. i realised u can die over there. it is not cool, and there is no glory. Afghanistan is not fun... will i go back, probably but only because the one thing i had in my life that was worth anything is now gone. deploying does give some meaning to your life, and it has its moments, but think about what you could have back home, that is far more important. dont make my mistake.

Hey Patriot, welcome to the Broken Heart Club.

6 days back from Iraq, the same happened to me. I did not have the oportunity to decompress from my tour, with the added trauma of my failed relationship it was a very rough ride. 7 yrs wasted.

You are not alone. I nearly went right off the rails, as the first 6 months were truly hell. Betrayal, lies, deception, breach of trust etc. You'll resettle and find a better woman when its the right time.

In time you'll reflect with happier thoughts of your tour.

Look at it this way, one door closes, another opens, the fuutre is yours, for you can now have the world by the balls, although for a while you'll feel it has you.

Best to talk about this with mates, and keep your chain of command informed, also do nott let it bottle up inside of you.

Personally, I had many deep conversations with Jack D, which was a stupid thing to do.

Hang in there Brother, you are not alone.

OWDU

Celticgirl · « **Reply #4 on:** August 26, 2008, 00:42:06 »

I don't mean this to sound harsh but it is better for you to find this out now (about your wife) than down the road. There are women out there who believe in fidelity regardless of time and distance - I am one of them. My boyfriend (now fiance) was deployed in Dec. 06 and I stayed the course. Now I am joining and looking at being away for about a year on training and I have faith that there will be no issues with infidelity on either side.

You could not have known your wife was the cheating type, so don't beat yourself up over what she did. Furthermore, don't blame the mission because as others have suggested here, if not the tour, then it would have been a course or exercise or whatever...some folks just can't be alone for any length of time. I don't know why that is, but I suspect basic insecurity. Again, nothing to do with you. Your marriage may well have been perfect prior to your tour. However, there will be other tours in your career...other courses, etc. You need someone who isn't going to go running to the nearest warm body every time you go away.

There is better out there. Trust me on this. I know you are hurting right now, but on behalf of the females of the species, don't lose the faith completely. There are good, loyal women out there.

X-mo-1979 · « **Reply #5 on:** August 26, 2008, 12:27:12 »

I can understand your anger towards the military.It is not easy on families period.Many women cannot deal with a person they see on a week here and a week there.Some need security in their liefs that the army cannot provide,due to its nature.

A few thoughts

-She is not for you,no matter how much YOU loved her,she don't love you.
-every chick you've seen and said "man I wish I was single".....
-Now you can casual date,it makes it easier when their isn't someone you love saying goodbye.

I know deployment is hard on some families.My wife who is pregnant and our two yr old is having a rough time.

As for saying their is no honor,I disagree.I do it because someone HAS to.Look around society,not many would do what I do.
I do it for my two little ones,provide a example to them.I protect those who cannot protect themselves.I deploy to kill those who make this world a horrible place.I am a combat troop who can look my kids in the eye and know they will appreciate what we do for this country.

Sounds like your having a rough go.Hit the gym,keep busy,and train to be the best dam soldier you can be.Don't throw down a career for how your feeling right now.
Had a friend that this happened to a few years back,he is now re married to a MUCH better woman(looks,job,attitude,supportive) and couldn't believe he married such a gutter pig the first time around.

Gunnie · « **Reply #6 on:** August 26, 2008, 14:00:09 »

Okay, Patriot, you DID NOT MAKE A MISTAKE, ok? How were you to know something like this would happen to you? She doesn't deserve you, you're better than her.

Here's how relationships are supposed to work: If you're happy, stay in. If you're not, GET OUT. And say it flat out, you know? Don't sneak behind somebody's back and punish them. SHe'll be forever known as the B**** who cheated on her husband while he was fighting a war. Not good for her, which she deserves. I understand your anger, hell I'd be angry too! But it's HER fault, NOT yours. All of my friends are in the military, and this has happened to 6 (count 'em SIX) of them, and I'm getting sick and tired of hearing these stories, it's just awful.
SHE should have known that you're in the military, your job is tough, and it isn't like workin at IGA (no disrepect to people who work there, I'm just sayin...) She should have known that you'd be going away. My fiance is in the army, and he goes into the field, goes to another province for 5 weeks, goes down to the states, gets a week cut off from his summer leave, and doesn't get some long weekends, and you know what? I don't hold it against him. It's his JOB, so I know what he's going through.

Military wives/gfs/partners should know even before they start a relationship that this job is tough, and you're going to go away for periods at a time. It isn't your fault at all, Patriot, she obviously doesn't deserve someone as good as you.

So keep your chin up, take a deep breath, and know that you're much better. Don't for one second blame yourself, okay? Okay. I got your back, and don't worry, there's someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are, what you do.

Keep your chin up, hun

Gunnie.

P.S. I'll be thinkin of ya

Nix · « **Reply #7 on:** September 09, 2008, 00:42:51 »

I agree with Gunnie. And I have to add that people who cheat SUCK! Recently a (former) friend of my wife's is no longer her friend because she found out that this (former) friend was screwing one of her husbands co-workers. And the water delivery boy. And god knows who else. Grosses me out just to think of how this chick could do that to her husband.

Cat · « **Reply #8 on:** September 20, 2008, 20:37:32 »

I see this daily at CFLRS except the other way around...soldiers or want-to-be soldiers or going -to-be soldiers cheating on their spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. It really sickens me. It's not the spouses fault they're seeing a cheating,lying, imbicile....

I feel for you, but it's not your fault she's not good enough for you. I just hope that you do find someone who's worth your time who can prove to you that not all women are like that.

Best wishes.

shanesgirl · « **Reply #9 on:** January 14, 2009, 14:00:27 »

I know no one has replyed to this topic in quite sometime but reading the thread i had to respond. Your wife was selfish and insecure, she showed you her true colors and you should count your self lucky you got out when you did, whats even worse is you two were probably together before you enlisted so she KNEW what to expect but made her choice regardless, I cant imagine anyone being so heartless and whats worse this happens regularly?

I am a military spouse and I pride myself in knowing that HE knows I'd never leave him, because like that woman ( i use the term loosely)I knew exactly what was going to be expected of both of us. He's not the only one who joined, when he signed those papers we became a military FAMILY. You wil find some one better garenteed, dont let her actions jade you for the rest of your life. And dont give up on this path, dont let her take this aways as well.

Nix · « **Reply #10 on:** January 14, 2009, 20:46:47 »

How are you doing patriot1112? It's been six months now and I hope things are starting to get at least a bit easier for you.

patriot1112 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 20, 2009, 11:38:36 »

Quote from: Cpl4Life on January 14, 2009, 20:46:47

How are you doing patriot1112? It's been six months now and I hope things are starting to get at least a bit easier for you.

Ha ha. I would have thought this thread would have died out quite some time ago. If I remember correctly I wrote this in one of my many retardedly drunken nights.

In a nutshell I am doing very well. I've moved on with my life and am quite content. The ex has tried getting back together with me several times, and is still trying, to no avail. That chapter of my life is done and I'm very happy with that. That was one of the hardest things I have had top deal with, especially after coming back from Afghanistan and dealing with that crap as well. It was a tough time. However I believe now that it was all for the best. I feel like a lot stronger person, a little more cynical but very much stronger. Life is good, I'm happy to be alive, and I wake up every morning looking forward to my day. My glass is half full now, and no one or anything will change that for me ever again.

geo · « **Reply #12 on:** January 20, 2009, 11:56:19 »

Good for you Patriot.

Enjoy life - there are lots of good women out there - sample what's out there & make an informed decision next time.

helpup · « **Reply #13 on:** January 20, 2009, 12:28:04 »

Good to hear Patriot, I didn't comment on the original post as what was said pretty well sums up my outlook. Glad to hear you moved on and hopefully the next love of your life is not the "it's about me " type.

AirCanuck · « **Reply #14 on:** January 24, 2009, 15:12:34 »

Not to repeat the above by helpup, but yeah - I never commented before because it had all been said, but I'm glad to hear you're doing well. It's tragic that such women are out there, and more tragic still that military men so dedicated to their country seem to be so expert at meeting them. Keep it up, glad to hear your glass is half full - just hopefully not, as you said about the first post, full of the Captain or our good friend Jack.
soldier on
AirCanuck

lyned · « **Reply #15 on:** January 25, 2009, 20:28:10 »

Sorry to hear about your situation Patriot. I remember hearing a few years ago that the divorce rate is higher for military members than truckers, which is high. I'm a military dad and a trucker. It takes a certain type of lady to put up with our professions: Independent. My wife grew up around the trucking business so she knew what she was getting into, with no regrets I'm happy to say. Like it's been stated earlier, unfortunately, it probably would have happened on tour, exercises, whatever sooner or later. Good luck in the future.

Bzzliteyr · « **Reply #16 on:** January 26, 2009, 10:26:16 »

Aircanuck, Devil's advocate here.

"It's tragic that such women are out there, and more tragic still that military men so dedicated to their country seem to be so expert at meeting them"

Don't forget there are lots of Army guys that play dirty as well, it's not just the wives that can be the badguys(girls?) in those cases.

edited for clarification.

AirCanuck · « **Reply #17 on:** January 26, 2009, 11:03:11 »

Quote from: Bzzliteyr on January 26, 2009, 10:26:16

Don't forget there are lots of Army guys that play dirty as well, it's not just the wives that can be the badguys(girls?) in those cases.
edited for clarification.

excellent point - believe me I think both are equally guilty. I just feel like it's a special kind of treachery when someone is out fighting for their country. Same with the guy who is willing to be with a soldier's wife - he's willing to let him fight for him AND keep his wife warm at night - now there's a giver.

Anyway, point well taken. I completely agree, I've seen both and as I said, I can't stand either.

Carcharodon Carcharias · « **Reply #18 on:** January 26, 2009, 17:49:28 »

Hey Patroit, happy to see you are well on the mend.

Cheers,

Wes

patriot1112 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 29, 2009, 10:22:48 »

Ok well if this is being turned into the cheating spouse thread, does anyone have any horror stories they would like to share? This thread could turn into a really good support group. I know there must be quite a few. I'm not talking just spouse back in canada cheating. There were several soldiers I used to have a lot of respect for, and they cheated on their significant other when in cyprus, while their significant other was more than respectful and dutiful to them the entire tour.

PMedMoe · « **Reply #20 on:** January 29, 2009, 10:35:42 »

Quote from: patriot1112 on January 29, 2009, 10:22:48

Ok well if this is being turned into the cheating spouse thread, does anyone have any horror stories they would like to share? This thread could turn into a really good support group. I know there must be quite a few. I'm not talking just spouse back in canada cheating. There were several soldiers I used to have a lot of respect for, and they cheated on their significant other when in cyprus, while their significant other was more than respectful and dutiful to them the entire tour.

Do we really need to go there?

Bruce Monkhouse · « **Reply #21 on:** January 29, 2009, 10:38:57 »

No. There's enough 'trash-TV' shows for that sort of entertainment.

We don't need it here.

AirCanuck · « **Reply #22 on:** January 29, 2009, 12:05:17 »

Quote from: Bruce Monkhouse on January 29, 2009, 10:38:57

No. There's enough 'trash-TV' shows for that sort of entertainment.

We don't need it here.

Agreed. Would seem more like a gossip-thread than a support group if we're searching for 'horror-stories'. However if anyone NEEDS support from a similar incident rather than just sharing stories they've heard, I don't see any hurt in them searching for it here... thoughts?

PMedMoe · « **Reply #23 on:** January 29, 2009, 12:20:36 »

I believe that support (for anything) would be more beneficial in person (e.g. with your friends, family, etc) than online. Just my opinion. Why would someone search here for "cheating spouse" support?

AirCanuck · « **Reply #24 on:** January 29, 2009, 12:21:29 »

some people find solace in the sense of community that can be found here - not to mention anonymity.

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Author Topic: Afghanistan, is it worth it- Cheating Spouse Thread (Read 50082 times)