Topic: Spouse of deployed member, lives off base,doesn't drive & needs ride to use VLT?

[Anny]

Since everyone was so helpful when I had issues with getting respite, I thought I would ask about my latest problem.  My husband is on an attached posting which means he will be away for about 15/16 month in total.  I’m so sorry for the length of this post, I don’t know how much detail people need to help answer my question.

We live off base and it’s expensive to the base ($50 round trip for a taxi).  There is no bus service that goes to the base.

This has been an issue for me for well over three maybe four years now.  I am tired of paying $50 for a cab anytime I want to get to the base when my husband is deployed (and he’s done a lot of courses besides this tour so he’s been away more often than not).  I’m not complaining about him being away, I know it’s a part of the life.  What I am hoping is for some advice on two things, if I am being unreasonable asking for a ride, and if I am not, then who should be giving me a ride?

Here is what happened lately when I asked if there was any service where I could get a ride to the MFRC for my daughter and I to use the VLT to talk with my husband.  We have never used to VLT before.  My husband does not want me to take a cab because of the high chance of a comms lockout (its happened once a week for the past three weeks, so there’s a decent chance unfortunately it could happen).  Then we would be paying $100 to get to/from the VLT.

Whenever my husband asks around where he is deployed, he’s told to contact the Rear Party.  There is no rear party at the base we’re at (air base), or that’s what we understood.  The deployment coordinator at the MFRC said “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”  I have a letter which CLEARLY states, without any whisper of a doubt that I am NOT to contact the unit (via the sponsor) except for communications purposes (ie if I need to reach my husband).  Since the FSS (in Edmonton, where my husband I attach posted for this tour) is able to reach my husband much faster, in reality there is no need to even contact my husband’s unit.  I feel like I am getting the run around.  I have contacted the Padres both here and in Edmonton as well as the FSS about various issues and I get tossed between the base I’m at and Edmonton as no one wants to take responsibility for me.

I feel like, once again, same as when I asked for respite, I am being unreasonable and whiney.  And maybe I am, I really don’t know.  Should I just suck it up and pay $50 every time I want to get to the base?

I assume this would vary, but what would happen at other bases in the case of a spouse whose husband is deployed and the spouse does not drive but they want to use the VLT?

[the 48th regulator]

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

[Kat Stevens]

Not trying to be a smart *** here by any means, but why don't you just buy a car with all the cab money you're spending and get yourself some kind of mobility and independence?

[Anny]

Not trying to be a smart *** here by any means, but why don't you just buy a car with all the cab money you're spending and get yourself some kind of mobility and independence?

I can't drive due to a medical condition.  And no, you're not being a smart***, I should have mentioned that in my post but forgot.

[NFLD Sapper]

Whenever my husband asks around where he is deployed, he’s told to contact the Rear Party.  There is no rear party at the base we’re at (air base), or that’s what we understood.  The deployment coordinator at the MFRC said “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”  I have a letter which CLEARLY states, without any whisper of a doubt that I am NOT to contact the unit (via the sponsor) except for communications purposes (ie if I need to reach my husband).  Since the FSS (in Edmonton, where my husband I attach posted for this tour) is able to reach my husband much faster, in reality there is no need to even contact my husband’s unit.  I feel like I am getting the run around.  I have contacted the Padres both here and in Edmonton as well as the FSS about various issues and I get tossed between the base I’m at and Edmonton as no one wants to take responsibility for me.

To me this seems so wrong to me...... Every time my unit had ppl deployed there was a Rear Party from the Gaining Unit and also from the Home Unit.......

[Anny]

Thanks NFLD Sapper for your reply.  I'm following this post closely as our VLT session is booked for this Saturday and at this point it appears we'll cancel it unless some miracle happens.

In your opinion, is offering a ride for a spouse (of a deployed member) to get to a VLT session is something the rear party would normally do?  I just don't want to push this issue if what I'm asking for is unreasonable.

What exactly does a 'rear party' do?  I keep hearing 'rear party' but I have never had it explained to me what they are there for.

[Kat Stevens]

Did you not receive any kind of deployment briefing for spouses on service and support available to you?  If not, get on the phone to the Adjutant of your husbands home unit and find out why not.  The rear party is part of a deploying unit that stays behind and runs the daily operations that keep the unit going, and also provide whatever support to families are decided as appropriate by the rear party commander and CO.

[SigOp_Geek]

What we are told and what actually happens are generally two different things.

I spent 10 glorious months on KAF back in '06 (from Jan to Nov).

At my previous unit, we were told that the Rear Party was there to support our families by doing things to help out such as shovelling snow, cutting grass, providing rides to go grocery shopping (for non-driving spouses), etc).  We were assured that they would do what they could while we were deployed.

When my wife fell and cracked her tailbone she called my unit and asked for help clearing the snow from the driveway so our handicapped son could use his walker to get to his school bus - they told her flat out that it didn't matter what condition she was in she would have to do it herself...needless to say her tailbone never did heal correctly and still pains her now.

On a brighter note, we had several people attached to our unit from another unit here on base.  That unit purchased several snow blowers so their Rear Party could go clean the driveways of their deployed personel.

[Anny]

That is terrible about your wife. I wonder what that happened? Is there no one in charge of the rear party?

In answer to the predeployment briefing and rear party, my husband is attach posted, so the rear party of the deploying unit is in Edmonton and we are in another province.  I have no contact with the rear party in Edmonton. I have had contact with the FSS in Edmonton but they tell me my home base is where I go for support.

We did have deployment briefing but there was no talk of any rear party other than there isn't a rear party at this (air) base, but there's a sponsorship program. The problem (as in my original post) the sponsor/dh's home unit will NOT provide support other than emergency communications with my husband.  If my house is flooding, I was told thats not the military's problem, it is my problem to deal with and that my husband should have provided me with the names and numbers of contractors who will come fix stuff while he is gone.

The briefing introduced us to the deployment support person (the same person who told me (cut/paste from my original post) “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”, as well as the padres and a media communications person.

Just typing this makes me realize how pathetic I must sound.

[Technoviking]

Anny
Your position is not that unique.  In 2007 I was posted on IR to Petawawa from Gagetown, NB.  In 2008, I deployed to Afghanistan, and was posted back here in 2009.  While I was "away", I got next to squat support from the MFRC.  If I were you, I wouldn't even talk to them.  IMHO, they are incompetent.
As an illustration, during my tour, the Prime Minister came to Petawawa as part of an MFRC Christmas tree give away to spouses of those deployed.  Even though my wife's info, including address, clearly stated that she was in New Brunswick, she still received an invite from those idiots to come for the event.  My wife wasn't pleased, to say the least.
I don't know your complete situation, and that's fine, but if you can get a computer with internet access, preferably high speed, hook that up in your home.  If that's not possible, contact the people at his current unit, the nearest unit, etc.  Heck, there may even be people on this forum who could help.

[CallOfDuty]

..I agree with techno on that one.  MFRC is a waste of time.  I'm almost 100% sure it's not DND's job to drive you anywhere.  I work for transport, and there has to be an extreme reason to use military vehicles for personal use.  In my case, being critically injured and getting rides to my home for Hospital visits.

    I can only assume that unless you live waaaay out in the boonies, you'd have internet with high speed accessibility.  Even people on welfare get it because it's considered an essential service nowadays. ( Esp if you have kids.) 

  As for the house, again..you are a grown up and a home owner.  It's not a PMQ.  You bought it, you fix it.  Unless you know  someone at his unit who has offered assistance to you while he's gone.  Like I do for my deployed buddies wives.
  Sorry for being blunt, I hope it all works out for you Anny. 

[CDN Aviator]

For you army folks who still insist on bringing up the rea party thing, here it is :

In my experience, air force units do not stand up rear-parties unless deployed as a unit or even sub-unit. Fact remains that we routinely only deploy members in ones and twos or in small numbers.

That being said, each deployed member has been assigned a sponsor for the duration of the deployment. A letter is sent to the spouse outlining the role of that sponsor. I have been the sponsor for a deployed member and i can assure you that driving a spouse around so she can save taxi fare is not one fo those roles.

[Anny]

I agree with CDN Aviator, it's not the role of the sponsor, nor should it be.  I would not like to be deemed a sponsor and have to jump every time someone needs a ride or needs a mouse killed or what have you.   Plus I have been told by a Major whom I believe was heavily involved with the start up of the sponsorship program, that it's a liability issue to have someone come to my house to fix something or drive me somewhere or (insert many a number of things here).  And I can see that being a huge, valid concern.

It's interesting how a fair number of people think the MFRC doesn't do much for deployed families.  I wonder why this is?  I thought if we get posted then we would have a good chance of getting a better MFRC, so perhaps this isn't the case at all?

I do find it disappointing to have heard things from the FSS at the deploying base like how they have arranged to move a deployed members families in Vancouver or fixed a roof for a family on the East Coast..... while I sit here just wanting a ride to a VLT session to see my husband.  It's like dangling a carrot in front of me and talking about how good it tastes then saying "oh wait, you're not posted to THAT base?  sorry, no carrot for you!".

[Brasidas]

I agree with CDN Aviator, it's not the role of the sponsor, nor should it be.  I would not like to be deemed a sponsor and have to jump every time someone needs a ride or needs a mouse killed or what have you.   Plus I have been told by a Major whom I believe was heavily involved with the start up of the sponsorship program, that it's a liability issue to have someone come to my house to fix something or drive me somewhere or (insert many a number of things here).  And I can see that being a huge, valid concern.

It's interesting how a fair number of people think the MFRC doesn't do much for deployed families.  I wonder why this is?  I thought if we get posted then we would have a good chance of getting a better MFRC, so perhaps this isn't the case at all?

I do find it disappointing to have heard things from the FSS at the deploying base like how they have arranged to move a deployed members families in Vancouver or fixed a roof for a family on the East Coast..... while I sit here just wanting a ride to a VLT session to see my husband.  It's like dangling a carrot in front of me and talking about how good it tastes then saying "oh wait, you're not posted to THAT base?  sorry, no carrot for you!".

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

[the 48th regulator]

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

[Anny]

We tried this but it never worked well for us, but I would be happy to give it another try, and I appreciate the offer of help.  I'm thinking one or two taxi rides to the VLT would pay for a camera or two we could use more often at home!

We used skype (and gmail's version), but I think it was the cameras we bought.  Luckily they were from costco so we returned them.  We often had issues with no being able to see each other, or see but not hear each other, or seeing half a person or a person with a big orange line over the screen.

Are there cameras available over there for members to use?  Or cameras to purchase?  And from the home front, any brand/model of camera you would recommend (or recommend not bothering with)?  Are there issues with any of the FOB's that would hinder using a cam on a personal laptop?

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

[GAP]

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

Tess.....what about a close neighbour who might have the proper equipment?

[the 48th regulator]

Tess.....what about a close neighbour who might have the proper equipment?

Computer, and a camera with a mic.  Skype is easy to download and set up, and away you go.

Doesn't get any easier than that.  The best part SKYPE IS FREE FOR VIDEO AND PHONE CALLS, as long as the other person has SKYPE as well.

However, Skype has all sorts of good pricing, for anyone who wants to do much more than the standard stuff, although it is not required.

dileas

tess


*Please note, although Skype has not sponsored my promotion of their product, I am fully willing to be a spokesperson

[Occam]

You may want to reconsider your use of the acronym "VLT".  In some parts of the country, "VLT" stands for Video Lottery Terminal, aka the government-run slot machines you find in bars.  When I initially opened the thread, I expected to see flames being directed at someone who was trying to hitch a lift so they could play the VLTs.   

The term you want to be using is VTC - videoteleconference.

And I'll add my recommendation for Skype to the mix.   

[CallOfDuty]

lol....VLT.  I thought the same thing!!!   You need a ride to the machines?? Now that's a whole new low, lol.

[MJP]

We live off base and it’s expensive to the base ($50 round trip for a taxi).  There is no bus service that goes to the base.

This has been an issue for me for well over three maybe four years now.  I am tired of paying $50 for a cab anytime I want to get to the base when my husband is deployed (and he’s done a lot of courses besides this tour so he’s been away more often than not).  I’m not complaining about him being away, I know it’s a part of the life.  What I am hoping is for some advice on two things, if I am being unreasonable asking for a ride, and if I am not, then who should be giving me a ride?

First off I highly second/third/fourth Skype or something similar rather than going up to the base to use their VTC equipment. 

If you still need to use the MFRC's stuff and you are unable to walk the 4-500 meters from where the bus will let you off on Ness Ave to the MFRC maybe you should look into Handitransit?

http://myride.winnipegtransit.com/en/handi-transit/

[captloadie]

The saddest thing of all is that someone can deploy from a unit and no one in that unit is willing to help out. I've been airforce all my career, and have deployed and/or been away several times. We lived 45 minutes away from the base, but I knew that I could call someone from my unit, and they would make it work. That being said, alot if it depends on the individual deployed, and the group of people he works with.

[Anny]

Sorry for the VLT confusion, at least I had a good laugh over that, imaging some desperate spouse pulling her hair out because she can't get to the casino while hubby is deployed!   

I applied to Handi Transit, was denied. My doctor is shocked I was denied and suggested an appeal, but right now with the mental stress I'm under there's no way I can muster up the where with all to deal with an appeal process.

So, what camera would you suggest?  We had a logitech from costco and it was not good at all.  I've read a few reviews and will check out some more online reviews and hope for the best, but if anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

Also, are there webcams available in the sandbox for guys to use or buy?

My husbands unit tries to help, at least the guys IN the unit do (I'm not sure if the unit itself does anything as I have been told by a Major in the unit that I'm not to contact the unit except for communications with my husband) but the unit is seriously understaffed.  In fact there is only one guy in the shop right now, the rest are deployed or training.   So that one guy is pretty busy I imagine, and he is my sponsor so I don't want to ask too much of him because he has a family to look after too.  He does what he can though, and we have asked him but he has plans already for this weekend.

My husband is going to cancel the VTC session and hopefully we can figure something out with webcams.  If anyone has answers to my questions (above) about cams I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you all!

[IRONMAN3]

Anny; please go to the Military Families Fund link http://www.cfpsa.com/en/corporate/mfamily/index.asp
Maj Sandy Ward is listed as the MFF representative for Winnipeg. No promises from them but with what you have stated (not being able to drive due to medical/ husband being deployed.....) you might qualify for some financial aid from them. You may have already gone this route.
If you have trouble getting in contact with the Winnipeg MFF rep then please email me and I will connect you with my source here in Ottawa.

my email is soldieron1@hotmail.com
Andrew

[Anny]

So, bottom line is, since I have a drivers licence they will not help me, and my husband and I are NOT to ask for rides for me anywhere for anything.  I told them about my medical condition, and that my doctor will take my licence away if she ever found out that I drove anywhere (I do drive occasionally but know I shouldn't, and I risk killing someone if I do drive so I should NOT be driving).  I explained I could get them a letter from my doctor verifying this, but they weren't interested in the letter.

We tried the VCT session twice last weekend and due to various communication errors and possible lines down, I travelled twice to the base and still no video conference.  So now if I want to try it I have to get out there a third time.  One of my husbands higher ups actually had the nerve to tell me that while HE went on tour, his wife didn't work.  I am so angry he insinuated I shouldn't work while my husband is on tour... my husband does not make nearly the wage this guy does so I have to work, we have no choice.

I am so angry and so upset at this point that I am bursting up from not telling my husband he needs to come home from tour now and get the hell out of the military.   But I can't tell him that because he doesn't need that on his shoulders right now.  So I will have to learn to shut up and suck it up, at least for now.

I find the military (as a whole, some individuals are awesome) very uncaring and disrespectful, almost abusive towards families.  I have never encountered such a disrespectful workplace.  I'm curious to hear from others, how does your family handle this ?