Topic: Spouse of deployed member, lives off base,doesn't drive & needs ride to use VLT?

[Anny]

Since everyone was so helpful when I had issues with getting respite, I thought I would ask about my latest problem.  My husband is on an attached posting which means he will be away for about 15/16 month in total.  I’m so sorry for the length of this post, I don’t know how much detail people need to help answer my question.

We live off base and it’s expensive to the base ($50 round trip for a taxi).  There is no bus service that goes to the base.

This has been an issue for me for well over three maybe four years now.  I am tired of paying $50 for a cab anytime I want to get to the base when my husband is deployed (and he’s done a lot of courses besides this tour so he’s been away more often than not).  I’m not complaining about him being away, I know it’s a part of the life.  What I am hoping is for some advice on two things, if I am being unreasonable asking for a ride, and if I am not, then who should be giving me a ride?

Here is what happened lately when I asked if there was any service where I could get a ride to the MFRC for my daughter and I to use the VLT to talk with my husband.  We have never used to VLT before.  My husband does not want me to take a cab because of the high chance of a comms lockout (its happened once a week for the past three weeks, so there’s a decent chance unfortunately it could happen).  Then we would be paying $100 to get to/from the VLT.

Whenever my husband asks around where he is deployed, he’s told to contact the Rear Party.  There is no rear party at the base we’re at (air base), or that’s what we understood.  The deployment coordinator at the MFRC said “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”  I have a letter which CLEARLY states, without any whisper of a doubt that I am NOT to contact the unit (via the sponsor) except for communications purposes (ie if I need to reach my husband).  Since the FSS (in Edmonton, where my husband I attach posted for this tour) is able to reach my husband much faster, in reality there is no need to even contact my husband’s unit.  I feel like I am getting the run around.  I have contacted the Padres both here and in Edmonton as well as the FSS about various issues and I get tossed between the base I’m at and Edmonton as no one wants to take responsibility for me.

I feel like, once again, same as when I asked for respite, I am being unreasonable and whiney.  And maybe I am, I really don’t know.  Should I just suck it up and pay $50 every time I want to get to the base?

I assume this would vary, but what would happen at other bases in the case of a spouse whose husband is deployed and the spouse does not drive but they want to use the VLT?

[the 48th regulator]

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

[Kat Stevens]

Not trying to be a smart *** here by any means, but why don't you just buy a car with all the cab money you're spending and get yourself some kind of mobility and independence?

[Anny]

Not trying to be a smart *** here by any means, but why don't you just buy a car with all the cab money you're spending and get yourself some kind of mobility and independence?

I can't drive due to a medical condition.  And no, you're not being a smart***, I should have mentioned that in my post but forgot.

[NFLD Sapper]

Whenever my husband asks around where he is deployed, he’s told to contact the Rear Party.  There is no rear party at the base we’re at (air base), or that’s what we understood.  The deployment coordinator at the MFRC said “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”  I have a letter which CLEARLY states, without any whisper of a doubt that I am NOT to contact the unit (via the sponsor) except for communications purposes (ie if I need to reach my husband).  Since the FSS (in Edmonton, where my husband I attach posted for this tour) is able to reach my husband much faster, in reality there is no need to even contact my husband’s unit.  I feel like I am getting the run around.  I have contacted the Padres both here and in Edmonton as well as the FSS about various issues and I get tossed between the base I’m at and Edmonton as no one wants to take responsibility for me.

To me this seems so wrong to me...... Every time my unit had ppl deployed there was a Rear Party from the Gaining Unit and also from the Home Unit.......

[Anny]

Thanks NFLD Sapper for your reply.  I'm following this post closely as our VLT session is booked for this Saturday and at this point it appears we'll cancel it unless some miracle happens.

In your opinion, is offering a ride for a spouse (of a deployed member) to get to a VLT session is something the rear party would normally do?  I just don't want to push this issue if what I'm asking for is unreasonable.

What exactly does a 'rear party' do?  I keep hearing 'rear party' but I have never had it explained to me what they are there for.

[Kat Stevens]

Did you not receive any kind of deployment briefing for spouses on service and support available to you?  If not, get on the phone to the Adjutant of your husbands home unit and find out why not.  The rear party is part of a deploying unit that stays behind and runs the daily operations that keep the unit going, and also provide whatever support to families are decided as appropriate by the rear party commander and CO.

[SigOp_Geek]

What we are told and what actually happens are generally two different things.

I spent 10 glorious months on KAF back in '06 (from Jan to Nov).

At my previous unit, we were told that the Rear Party was there to support our families by doing things to help out such as shovelling snow, cutting grass, providing rides to go grocery shopping (for non-driving spouses), etc).  We were assured that they would do what they could while we were deployed.

When my wife fell and cracked her tailbone she called my unit and asked for help clearing the snow from the driveway so our handicapped son could use his walker to get to his school bus - they told her flat out that it didn't matter what condition she was in she would have to do it herself...needless to say her tailbone never did heal correctly and still pains her now.

On a brighter note, we had several people attached to our unit from another unit here on base.  That unit purchased several snow blowers so their Rear Party could go clean the driveways of their deployed personel.

[Anny]

That is terrible about your wife. I wonder what that happened? Is there no one in charge of the rear party?

In answer to the predeployment briefing and rear party, my husband is attach posted, so the rear party of the deploying unit is in Edmonton and we are in another province.  I have no contact with the rear party in Edmonton. I have had contact with the FSS in Edmonton but they tell me my home base is where I go for support.

We did have deployment briefing but there was no talk of any rear party other than there isn't a rear party at this (air) base, but there's a sponsorship program. The problem (as in my original post) the sponsor/dh's home unit will NOT provide support other than emergency communications with my husband.  If my house is flooding, I was told thats not the military's problem, it is my problem to deal with and that my husband should have provided me with the names and numbers of contractors who will come fix stuff while he is gone.

The briefing introduced us to the deployment support person (the same person who told me (cut/paste from my original post) “It is not our policy to provide transportation.  If you feel that your rear party (which is your section) might provide transportation you are welcome to contact them.”, as well as the padres and a media communications person.

Just typing this makes me realize how pathetic I must sound.

[Technoviking]

Anny
Your position is not that unique.  In 2007 I was posted on IR to Petawawa from Gagetown, NB.  In 2008, I deployed to Afghanistan, and was posted back here in 2009.  While I was "away", I got next to squat support from the MFRC.  If I were you, I wouldn't even talk to them.  IMHO, they are incompetent.
As an illustration, during my tour, the Prime Minister came to Petawawa as part of an MFRC Christmas tree give away to spouses of those deployed.  Even though my wife's info, including address, clearly stated that she was in New Brunswick, she still received an invite from those idiots to come for the event.  My wife wasn't pleased, to say the least.
I don't know your complete situation, and that's fine, but if you can get a computer with internet access, preferably high speed, hook that up in your home.  If that's not possible, contact the people at his current unit, the nearest unit, etc.  Heck, there may even be people on this forum who could help.

[CallOfDuty]

..I agree with techno on that one.  MFRC is a waste of time.  I'm almost 100% sure it's not DND's job to drive you anywhere.  I work for transport, and there has to be an extreme reason to use military vehicles for personal use.  In my case, being critically injured and getting rides to my home for Hospital visits.

    I can only assume that unless you live waaaay out in the boonies, you'd have internet with high speed accessibility.  Even people on welfare get it because it's considered an essential service nowadays. ( Esp if you have kids.) 

  As for the house, again..you are a grown up and a home owner.  It's not a PMQ.  You bought it, you fix it.  Unless you know  someone at his unit who has offered assistance to you while he's gone.  Like I do for my deployed buddies wives.
  Sorry for being blunt, I hope it all works out for you Anny. 

[CDN Aviator]

For you army folks who still insist on bringing up the rea party thing, here it is :

In my experience, air force units do not stand up rear-parties unless deployed as a unit or even sub-unit. Fact remains that we routinely only deploy members in ones and twos or in small numbers.

That being said, each deployed member has been assigned a sponsor for the duration of the deployment. A letter is sent to the spouse outlining the role of that sponsor. I have been the sponsor for a deployed member and i can assure you that driving a spouse around so she can save taxi fare is not one fo those roles.

[Anny]

I agree with CDN Aviator, it's not the role of the sponsor, nor should it be.  I would not like to be deemed a sponsor and have to jump every time someone needs a ride or needs a mouse killed or what have you.   Plus I have been told by a Major whom I believe was heavily involved with the start up of the sponsorship program, that it's a liability issue to have someone come to my house to fix something or drive me somewhere or (insert many a number of things here).  And I can see that being a huge, valid concern.

It's interesting how a fair number of people think the MFRC doesn't do much for deployed families.  I wonder why this is?  I thought if we get posted then we would have a good chance of getting a better MFRC, so perhaps this isn't the case at all?

I do find it disappointing to have heard things from the FSS at the deploying base like how they have arranged to move a deployed members families in Vancouver or fixed a roof for a family on the East Coast..... while I sit here just wanting a ride to a VLT session to see my husband.  It's like dangling a carrot in front of me and talking about how good it tastes then saying "oh wait, you're not posted to THAT base?  sorry, no carrot for you!".

[Brasidas]

I agree with CDN Aviator, it's not the role of the sponsor, nor should it be.  I would not like to be deemed a sponsor and have to jump every time someone needs a ride or needs a mouse killed or what have you.   Plus I have been told by a Major whom I believe was heavily involved with the start up of the sponsorship program, that it's a liability issue to have someone come to my house to fix something or drive me somewhere or (insert many a number of things here).  And I can see that being a huge, valid concern.

It's interesting how a fair number of people think the MFRC doesn't do much for deployed families.  I wonder why this is?  I thought if we get posted then we would have a good chance of getting a better MFRC, so perhaps this isn't the case at all?

I do find it disappointing to have heard things from the FSS at the deploying base like how they have arranged to move a deployed members families in Vancouver or fixed a roof for a family on the East Coast..... while I sit here just wanting a ride to a VLT session to see my husband.  It's like dangling a carrot in front of me and talking about how good it tastes then saying "oh wait, you're not posted to THAT base?  sorry, no carrot for you!".

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

[the 48th regulator]

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

[Anny]

We tried this but it never worked well for us, but I would be happy to give it another try, and I appreciate the offer of help.  I'm thinking one or two taxi rides to the VLT would pay for a camera or two we could use more often at home!

We used skype (and gmail's version), but I think it was the cameras we bought.  Luckily they were from costco so we returned them.  We often had issues with no being able to see each other, or see but not hear each other, or seeing half a person or a person with a big orange line over the screen.

Are there cameras available over there for members to use?  Or cameras to purchase?  And from the home front, any brand/model of camera you would recommend (or recommend not bothering with)?  Are there issues with any of the FOB's that would hinder using a cam on a personal laptop?

I don't expect that things are going to work out for you with your VLT logistics. Could you confirm whether or not you want help making things work with video conferencing over the internet in your own home?

If it is something you'd like to do, we could start trying to help you with it.

[GAP]

Does your computer have a camera?  If so, http://www.skype.com/ is a brilliant service, and I know of people speaking with those deployed as far away as Afghanistan.

Just a thought.

dileas

tess

Tess.....what about a close neighbour who might have the proper equipment?

[the 48th regulator]

Tess.....what about a close neighbour who might have the proper equipment?

Computer, and a camera with a mic.  Skype is easy to download and set up, and away you go.

Doesn't get any easier than that.  The best part SKYPE IS FREE FOR VIDEO AND PHONE CALLS, as long as the other person has SKYPE as well.

However, Skype has all sorts of good pricing, for anyone who wants to do much more than the standard stuff, although it is not required.

dileas

tess


*Please note, although Skype has not sponsored my promotion of their product, I am fully willing to be a spokesperson

[Occam]

You may want to reconsider your use of the acronym "VLT".  In some parts of the country, "VLT" stands for Video Lottery Terminal, aka the government-run slot machines you find in bars.  When I initially opened the thread, I expected to see flames being directed at someone who was trying to hitch a lift so they could play the VLTs.   

The term you want to be using is VTC - videoteleconference.

And I'll add my recommendation for Skype to the mix.   

[CallOfDuty]

lol....VLT.  I thought the same thing!!!   You need a ride to the machines?? Now that's a whole new low, lol.

[MJP]

We live off base and it’s expensive to the base ($50 round trip for a taxi).  There is no bus service that goes to the base.

This has been an issue for me for well over three maybe four years now.  I am tired of paying $50 for a cab anytime I want to get to the base when my husband is deployed (and he’s done a lot of courses besides this tour so he’s been away more often than not).  I’m not complaining about him being away, I know it’s a part of the life.  What I am hoping is for some advice on two things, if I am being unreasonable asking for a ride, and if I am not, then who should be giving me a ride?

First off I highly second/third/fourth Skype or something similar rather than going up to the base to use their VTC equipment. 

If you still need to use the MFRC's stuff and you are unable to walk the 4-500 meters from where the bus will let you off on Ness Ave to the MFRC maybe you should look into Handitransit?

http://myride.winnipegtransit.com/en/handi-transit/

[captloadie]

The saddest thing of all is that someone can deploy from a unit and no one in that unit is willing to help out. I've been airforce all my career, and have deployed and/or been away several times. We lived 45 minutes away from the base, but I knew that I could call someone from my unit, and they would make it work. That being said, alot if it depends on the individual deployed, and the group of people he works with.

[Anny]

Sorry for the VLT confusion, at least I had a good laugh over that, imaging some desperate spouse pulling her hair out because she can't get to the casino while hubby is deployed!   

I applied to Handi Transit, was denied. My doctor is shocked I was denied and suggested an appeal, but right now with the mental stress I'm under there's no way I can muster up the where with all to deal with an appeal process.

So, what camera would you suggest?  We had a logitech from costco and it was not good at all.  I've read a few reviews and will check out some more online reviews and hope for the best, but if anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

Also, are there webcams available in the sandbox for guys to use or buy?

My husbands unit tries to help, at least the guys IN the unit do (I'm not sure if the unit itself does anything as I have been told by a Major in the unit that I'm not to contact the unit except for communications with my husband) but the unit is seriously understaffed.  In fact there is only one guy in the shop right now, the rest are deployed or training.   So that one guy is pretty busy I imagine, and he is my sponsor so I don't want to ask too much of him because he has a family to look after too.  He does what he can though, and we have asked him but he has plans already for this weekend.

My husband is going to cancel the VTC session and hopefully we can figure something out with webcams.  If anyone has answers to my questions (above) about cams I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you all!

[IRONMAN3]

Anny; please go to the Military Families Fund link http://www.cfpsa.com/en/corporate/mfamily/index.asp
Maj Sandy Ward is listed as the MFF representative for Winnipeg. No promises from them but with what you have stated (not being able to drive due to medical/ husband being deployed.....) you might qualify for some financial aid from them. You may have already gone this route.
If you have trouble getting in contact with the Winnipeg MFF rep then please email me and I will connect you with my source here in Ottawa.

my email is soldieron1@hotmail.com
Andrew

[Anny]

So, bottom line is, since I have a drivers licence they will not help me, and my husband and I are NOT to ask for rides for me anywhere for anything.  I told them about my medical condition, and that my doctor will take my licence away if she ever found out that I drove anywhere (I do drive occasionally but know I shouldn't, and I risk killing someone if I do drive so I should NOT be driving).  I explained I could get them a letter from my doctor verifying this, but they weren't interested in the letter.

We tried the VCT session twice last weekend and due to various communication errors and possible lines down, I travelled twice to the base and still no video conference.  So now if I want to try it I have to get out there a third time.  One of my husbands higher ups actually had the nerve to tell me that while HE went on tour, his wife didn't work.  I am so angry he insinuated I shouldn't work while my husband is on tour... my husband does not make nearly the wage this guy does so I have to work, we have no choice.

I am so angry and so upset at this point that I am bursting up from not telling my husband he needs to come home from tour now and get the hell out of the military.   But I can't tell him that because he doesn't need that on his shoulders right now.  So I will have to learn to shut up and suck it up, at least for now.

I find the military (as a whole, some individuals are awesome) very uncaring and disrespectful, almost abusive towards families.  I have never encountered such a disrespectful workplace.  I'm curious to hear from others, how does your family handle this ?

[CallOfDuty]

  What I am hoping is for some advice on two things, if I am being unreasonable asking for a ride, and if I am not, then who should be giving me a ride?

   Anny, I just re-read your original post here.....and I'm going to tell you like it is.  YES, you are being unreasonable.   

    We've already told you it's not DND's job to take you anywhere, so why don't you go to the store...get a web cam, hook it up, download skype, set a time schedule with your husband and have a chat.

Please correct me if I'm wrong here guys.

Cheers

[the 48th regulator]

I've said my piece.

If I read anymore, I am afraid I will need my gold bond within reaching distance.

dileas

tess

[MJP]

   Anny, I just re-read your original post here.....and I'm going to tell you like it is.  YES, you are being unreasonable.   

    We've already told you it's not DND's job to take you anywhere, so why don't you go to the store...get a web cam, hook it up, download skype, set a time schedule with your husband and have a chat.

Please correct me if I'm wrong here guys.

Cheers

In principle I agree with you COD, although I will say that I have nothing good to say about the MFRC(s) themselves and have never used them for anything.  If something was important to me and my wife we just went out and did it on our own.

Anny, if being able to see each other is highly important to you when you talk then your best course of action is what COD laid.  Don't count on someone else to bring you the level of comfort (ie seeing each other while chatting) that you desire.  While it is possible to use their resources ultimately it isn't going to fully meet your desires.  If you need help with the set-up of skype and webcams and your not getting any help from the companies, post in radio chatter with what you bought and such.  There are more than enough web and tech savvy people here to help you.

[ArmyVern]

So, bottom line is, since I have a drivers licence they will not help me, and my husband and I are NOT to ask for rides for me anywhere for anything.  I told them about my medical condition, and that my doctor will take my licence away if she ever found out that I drove anywhere (I do drive occasionally but know I shouldn't, and I risk killing someone if I do drive so I should NOT be driving).  I explained I could get them a letter from my doctor verifying this, but they weren't interested in the letter.

We tried the VCT session twice last weekend and due to various communication errors and possible lines down, I travelled twice to the base and still no video conference.  So now if I want to try it I have to get out there a third time.  One of my husbands higher ups actually had the nerve to tell me that while HE went on tour, his wife didn't work.  I am so angry he insinuated I shouldn't work while my husband is on tour... my husband does not make nearly the wage this guy does so I have to work, we have no choice.

I am so angry and so upset at this point that I am bursting up from not telling my husband he needs to come home from tour now and get the hell out of the military.   But I can't tell him that because he doesn't need that on his shoulders right now.  So I will have to learn to shut up and suck it up, at least for now.

I find the military (as a whole, some individuals are awesome) very uncaring and disrespectful, almost abusive towards families.  I have never encountered such a disrespectful workplace.  I'm curious to hear from others, how does your family handle this ?

Wow. I'm just seeing this thread now ...

But, here's my take. I have been a "sponsor" for someone's wife while my co-worker served overseas. I did NOT and would NOT drive her anywhere. Nor can the CF order me to drive "her" anywhere in my vehicle.

Why? Because if I am serving as the "sponsor" as directed by my CoC, then I would be utilizing MY personal vehicle "for work purposes" if I did drive her anywhere. Guess what? My insurance coverage does not allow for my utilizing my vehicle "for work". Should I have driven "her" and been in a car accident etc --- I face being sued by "her" --- and the CF can't get "sued" ... so, no - sorry, it is not up to me to provide transport for "her" in my "vehicle" even IF I am the sponsor. I too have a family to support etc and I don't need to be in a car accident with serious injuries/death to myself only to have my insurance comapny turn around and say to my survivors etc "too bad, she was using it for work and thus nothing is covered." Nor do I need my estate to be sued by "her" (or "her" estate) because "she" was killed/injured.

I do understand that you live far away from the MFRC. That is not/was not a choice of the CF. Do you not have friends/family etc that could assist you? Why is it the military's responsibility in your eyes? Public transport has also told you "NO". Do you plan on telling your husband that he should "refrain from ever again using public transport" too?

Comms go up & comms go down. When that occurs is 99.9% unforecastable. Yet, somehow, you blame this on the military too. He's in a third world country at war (!!) for crying out loud!! Why can't anyone these days be happy with what we can & do manage to pull off for our troops on tour? Why do we need to "babysit" constantly? Geez, like we can predict things like comms lockdowns etc just to make sure that you are not inconvenienced. crap happens. It's not like anyone plans this stuff just to screw you around.

In 1989 during my first tour, I lived in a fairground ... I had a sheet between me and the guys living on either side of me. We shared showers. We had an immarsat that we got 5 minutes a WEEK to call home on. We had no internet. We had no cellphones. We had no computers, crackberries, laptops etc. We had ZERO leave. No HLTA. No financial compensation for ANY of that "inconvenience" or lack of leave. Diddley squat. We lived!! I am here to tell about it.

Your husband is being monetarily compensated EXTREMELY WELL right now because he is over there. Tax Free. Danger, risk, AND "hardship", "seperation expense" (that'd be from the family!!) ALL being considered and all being part and parcel of all that extra cash that your family is now benefitting from each month while he is deployed.

That's WHY troops overseas receive financial compensation - to compensate for extra danger, risk and hardship they are subjected to while overseas ... and, news flash, to compensate for "EXTRA EXPENSES INCURRED" due to seperation and being seperated from their family.

I suggest you use some of that to pay the 50 bucks cab fare. Or, cheaper yet, next time you drive against doctors orders --- buy a webcam, install it ... and start chatting from home. I've got a "normal" 30 buck webcam and I chat sucessfully with friends who are over there. I am quite sure that you are capable of that too.

[Nerf herder]

I echo most of what Vern said but I've been in a similar situation. The BG deployed and my wife was stuck with no ride, no family (gone on tour and wife gone home) neighbors gone and almost all our friends were gone too. She couldn't drive either due to medical conditions.

That being said...

Your hubby should have gone into the Deployment Support Center on the base and checked out what is available to you.

I know the service is available (at least in Pet) and put it to good use while I was away on tour. Is there not one in Edmonton?

After I went in and talked to the staff, they lined it all up. They did everything from check up on my wife with a regular phone call to organizing snow removal through the local schools (that require kids to get a certain amount of community service hours to graduate). They also gave her taxi chits for appointments when required.

If there was an appointment out of the area they would get a duty driver to drive her.

None of that was required because I kept the bank account stuffed for her to use, but the DSC was there to pick up the slack is the crap hit the fan.

Now that all being said, they should get the support to you that you need/ require. Contact them and see.

Regards

[ArmyVern]

DP,

I totally agree with you.

The problem in this situation though is that there is seemingly "selective driving" occuring.

The answer and the reception may very well have been different had Anny not chosen "to drive selectively". If she's telling the MFRC she can't drive and thus must have a drive ... then that means that she isn't driving ... anywhere ... due to that medical condition; that's not the case.

Perhaps it's time for her to give up the drivers liscence and make it official as this is supposedly a permanent condition. That would be different. And, may also have resulted in a very different answer for the special public transport too that she asked for from the town/city too.

[MJP]

I know the service is available (at least in Pet) and put it to good use while I was away on tour. Is there not one in Edmonton?

She is in Winnipeg not Edmonton.  The air force doesn't use a DSC like some elements of the army, although if there is one in Edmonton conceivably it could help her in Winnipeg in some way.

[Nerf herder]

Sorry, thought I read she was in Edmonton. Need coffee!

Regards

[CallOfDuty]

 

  I think you should read, then re-read Armyvern's first post on this thread. 

COD
PS---- this is a reminder of what a lucky man I am...thanks.   

[Baden Guy]

An idea....
take some of that extra money Vern says you are getting and call in
the THE GEEK SQUAD to set up Skype with a webcam.  Yes No ?   

[ArmyVern]

She is in Winnipeg not Edmonton.  The air force doesn't use a DSC like some elements of the army, although if there is one in Edmonton conceivably it could help her in Winnipeg in some way.

When I was the sponsor for my co-workers wife - I was with the Air Force in Trenton. We only augmented rotos from there vice deployed en masse such as the Army does. Don't know if one could justify a whole DCS set-up when that is the norm for a base. Mind you, even the Army only had "rear parties" at that time and no DCSs either.

Even with a DSC in Gagetown, I still acted as a sponsor for another spouse there while the wife was deployed. I still didn't do any driving though. More like keeping in touch (and having to report weekly that I had been in touch with him to the CoC) and letting them know what was up with the Unit, invite to Christmas party, family day etc etc.

[Anny]

Sorry, I wasn’t clear at all about what I was upset about.  I should have taken the time to re-read what I posted before submitting, especially when I was so upset. I apologize for ranting and not being clear.

During the course of me asking around if there is any ride service or anything similar, the conversations I’ve had with military pers who have told me that “I can’t understand why you don’t just drive there” (after me telling them about my medical condition) or “You have a vehicle, put it on the road” or “I can’t understand why you don’t have a vehicle on the road, especially when you have a young child”.  I even had one person tell me, after it came up that I work full time, that HIS wife took six months off during his tour to stay at home 

These are comments that I find extremely disrespectful.  I don’t understand how other spouses and family members deal with this. I would like to hear from other families how they have learned to deal with it, or (as with MJP and his wife) if they just find it easier to deal with anything important without asking the military for any help, even when hubby is deployed.

CallofDuty, I appreciate your honesty, and me expecting a ride is too much, I agree.  MJP I’m on the webcam suggestion and will post in radio chatter as you suggested.  Thank you!   ArmyVern, same thing, I’m totally on board with you about the sponsor, of course they should not be expected to drive spouses anywhere.  I hope you didn’t take any of my posts as me expecting this, I’m sorry if I somehow alluded to this.  This extra ‘expenses incurred’ money you’re talking about is only while dh is deployed overseas, and of course does not cover the expenses incurred while he is doing his work up training… in the end we’re out of pocket for some expenses, which is a shame because you think if a guy is risking his life in a war zone there would be some decent financial compensation.  Maybe there is if you do your work up training at your home base. 

Thankfully dh isn’t there for the money, so I just have to learn how to deal with things as best I can, which is why I appreciate I can ask questions here and get feedback, and I am thankful to everyone who has replied.

[ArmyVern]

Perhaps they're asking you because you admittedly "selectively drive" elsewhere?

Why can you drive to location "X", but not to base? Why, if you will (and admittedly have) drive to location "X" should the military have to pay to drive you to/from their base? Because it's further to drive? Because you & your spouse chose to live there? That is slective driving. I'm quite understanding of your stating that you should not be driving, but you admittedly are ... and you're selecting where & when.

If you are medically precluded from driving, then STOP. Give up the license. Perhaps then, when you are no longer "picking and choosing where & when to drive", the MFRC, the Unit etc (and public transit authority) may be able to help you.

As it stands now, you say you are incapable of driving yet you are doing so. That's what I have issues with ... and that's what others that you have spoken with may also have found issues with.

By the way, last time I checked ... seperation expense was paid during times of "seperation from family" ... even during work up training. Perhaps they guise it as TD. I'm sure there's an RMS clerk on this site who can confirm exactly how he is compensated monetarily while on WU Trg, but however it is paid ... it is indeed paid.


Edited to add:

During my own spouses deployment I too was faced with a medical issue that prevented me from essentially doing anything. I was 30 weeks pregnant when I was diagnosed with Major Placenta Praevia. A life-threatening condition for me and my child. I could not drive, lift, carry groceries etc and ended up confined to bed due to bleeding. My neighbours made sure my walkway was cleared of snow (usually before Rear party showed up to do so), picked up grocery items at the store and brought them in for me ... and the rear party of the Airborne Regt was in daily contact to make sure that all was well - offering to bring groceries should I need them delivered etc or drive to essential doctors appts and ultrasounds.

That's because I could not (ie was not able) and was not able to do so for myself ... nor was I doing so at any point ... not even the 500meters up the road for a quick fix of poutine that I was desperately craving (every night about 9pm). I didn't have to give up my license as mine was only a temporary condition, but I darn well didn't drive anywhere because "I couldn't". I asked for help and I got it.

If you can't, then you can't.

If you are choosing to do so "sometimes" anyway, then is it really "I can't" or is it more like an "I shouldn't?"

Therein lies the crux of your dilemma.

But a webcam. They work and then you won't have the stress anymore.

[Nix]

DP,

I totally agree with you.

The problem in this situation though is that there is seemingly "selective driving" occuring.

The answer and the reception may very well have been different had Anny not chosen "to drive selectively". If she's telling the MFRC she can't drive and thus must have a drive ... then that means that she isn't driving ... anywhere ... due to that medical condition; that's not the case.

Perhaps it's time for her to give up the drivers liscence and make it official as this is supposedly a permanent condition. That would be different. And, may also have resulted in a very different answer for the special public transport too that she asked for from the town/city too.

I'm not  a medical specialist, but I feel sorry for this woman as my wife suffers from a condition (crohns) and although my wife has a drivers license, she knows when she can and can not drive.   There are other conditions like this, such as Parkinson's which my father has and he as well knows when he should and should not drive.  This "Selective Driving" as you put it Vern, keeps my wife, children, father and many others alive.  If Annie suffers from a similar condition, then it's completely reasonable for her to keep her license. 

My wife and father have, besides suffering from the diseases they have, also suffer from the comments of judgmental fools who think because they saw them drive last week that they can damned well drive this week.

[ArmyVern]

I'm not  a medical specialist, but I feel sorry for this woman as my wife suffers from a condition (crohns) and although my wife has a drivers license, she knows when she can and can not drive.   There are other conditions like this, such as Parkinson's which my father has and he as well knows when he should and should not drive.  This "Selective Driving" as you put it Vern, keeps my wife, children, father and many others alive.  If Annie suffers from a similar condition, then it's completely reasonable for her to keep her license. 

My wife and father have, besides suffering from the diseases they have, also suffer from the comments of judgmental fools who think because they saw them drive last week that they can damned well drive this week.

The difference is, if you read her posts, she clearly states that her doctor has told her NEVER to drive. She then states that she does anyway, but (apparently) not to the MFRC or the base. Is that not "selective?" I sure think so. Perhaps, if she did NOT drive (which isn't the case because she actually is driving), then she could be treated differently both by the support network and the disability public transport system in her community which has also denied her.

When I was ordered not to drive --- I didn't. And, I am quite glad that your family members also followed the advice of their doctors both to ensure their own safety and that of others on the roads. Unfortunately, Anny seems to not be following those directives and picks and chooses where and when she drives despite the doctor telling her to cease ALL driving. See the difference? See why anyone would think "why can you drive to location "X", but not here?

By the way, when my mother and I had to go to the authorities to have my grandmothers drivers license pulled - it was one of the hardest things we've ever had to do; taking away someone's freedom of movement is NOT an easy thing to do, BUT it was something that had to be done. For her safety and others' safety. Do not be so quick to presume that I too have not had this affect my family. I certainly have. And further, I've been denied that "freedom of movement" myself as posted already - albeit mine was temporary.

In short, if Anny wants us to look after her and drive her places because she "is not allowed and is medically prevented from driving" ... then what the heck is she doing driving to the places she chooses to? I'd also think that the disabled public transport sustem in her community probably asked the same question - or certainly had more info on her medical condition. They denied her too.

Seems to me that if you want things given to you because you "are not allowed to do it for yourself", then you should make sure that you don't ignore and actually do do it for yourself when you selectively choose to do so. In her case, I call it selective - because she has already stated that she has been ordered not to ... at any time ... never ... but is anyway (just not to base etc). I'd like to know why that is ... is it too far to drive? Cost more for gas? Why? Or is it some other reason? I feel sorry for her too. But, she asks on one hand because she is medically prevented from driving, then on the other states that she does drive.

If you are coming to me claiming that you are medically prevented from driving and thus wish to avail yourself of my resources to drive you around ... then that had best actually be the case. It doesn't seem to be the case here.

[PMedMoe]

There are other conditions like this, such as Parkinson's which my father has and he as well knows when he should and should not drive.

Really?  He knows when he's going to be uncoordinated or have muscle tremors??   

According to the Merck Manual

Parkinson's disease results from degeneration in the part of the brain that helps coordinate movements.
Usually, the most obvious symptom is tremors that occur when muscles are relaxed.
Muscles become stiff, movements become slow and uncoordinated, and balance is easily lost.

When the brain initiates an impulse to move a muscle (for example, to lift an arm), the impulse passes through the basal ganglia (collections of nerve cells located deep within the brain). The basal ganglia help smooth out muscle movements and coordinate changes in posture. Like all nerve cells, those in the basal ganglia release chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) that trigger the next nerve cell in the pathway to send an impulse. A key neurotransmitter in the basal ganglia is dopamine. Its overall effect is to increase nerve impulses to muscles. In Parkinson's disease, nerve cells in part of the basal ganglia (called the substantia nigra) degenerate, reducing the production of dopamine and the number of connections between nerve cells in the basal ganglia. As a result, the basal ganglia cannot smooth out movements as they normally do, leading to tremor, loss of coordination, slow movement (bradykinesia), and a tendency to move less (hypokinesia).

No offense, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere near your father when he is driving.  He is putting himself and others at risk.

[CountDC]

I'm with you on that one PMed - there is no way that symptons are predictable, they can and do happen anytime.  Medication does not fully control it either. It is also a degenerative condition so at any point the person can get worse with no advance warning.  So he could seem fine, hit the road and suddenly his body doesn't respond the same. No thanks.  I wonder if the provincial license board would issue a license to a person that they knew had the condition?

a quick check did not come up with anything saying they wouldn't.

I did come across this though:

In most provinces, every legally qualified medical practitioner (physician) must assess and notify the Provincial Registrar if a medical condition exists that increases the risk of motor vehicle crashes (exceptions are Quebec, Alberta and Nova Scotia).

[Nix]

I'm just telling you what my family experiences.  You'll find many doctors hesitate to pull a licence, at least that has been my experience and discussing it with my wifes doctor, seems common.

Vern you are correct, if Annie has been told not to drive by her doctor, and I suspect this is not the case otherwise licence would have been pulled, so I wait for clarification from Annie.

I'm a bit surprised Vern received so much support from the military while you were on bedrest, my wife was on six months bedrest for her pregnancy and I was sent away on course no help at all came our way from the military.   And my wife (and I) have suffered four miscarriages and one newborn loss.  In fact, there was no sympathy when I mentioned my wife was on bedrest and they were sending me away on course.   But vern is obviously army and I have heard the army is generally better at taking care of the families than the other two branches.  I'm curious if Annie is in Winnipeg if her husband is with an air unit.

Annie, as far as the rude comments, there are always rude people in any organization, and the military is no exception.  If you have been told things as you say, and if it were my wife, I would suggest she ask for that persons supervisor and speak with them.  There are rude people, but that is no excuse for spouses being told things like you have mentioned.

[Nix]

You do not know the specifics about my father, therefore I will forgive you for your ignorant comments about him.  The doctor he sees, one of the top two Parkinsons specialists in the country, is fully aware he has Parkinsons and is also fully aware he drives and has no issues with my father driving.

Really?  He knows when he's going to be uncoordinated or have muscle tremors??   

According to the Merck Manual
No offense, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere near your father when he is driving.  He is putting himself and others at risk.

[PMedMoe]

You do not know the specifics about my father, therefore I will forgive you for your ignorant comments about him.  The doctor he sees, one of the top two Parkinsons specialists in the country, is fully aware he has Parkinsons and is also fully aware he drives and has no issues with my father driving.

You're right.  I do not know the specifics of your father's condition, however, I do have personal experience with Parkinson's as my mother has it and has had it for years.  Granted, her loss of movement has been attributed more to the two strokes she has suffered in the last year and a half.  IMHO, I still don't think someone diagnosed with a degenerative disorder of the central nervous system should be driving.  Good for your father's doctor being comfortable with him driving.  Is he going to be as comfortable (and take part of the responsibility) when your father has an accident due to the Parkinson's?  I think not.

[recceguy]

You do not know the specifics about my father, therefore I will forgive you for your ignorant comments about him.  The doctor he sees, one of the top two Parkinsons specialists in the country, is fully aware he has Parkinsons and is also fully aware he drives and has no issues with my father driving.

You are the one that brought him and his condition into the discussion. If you did not provide every detail of his condition, it entitles people to speculate. And without your righteous indignation.

Milnet.ca Staff

[CountDC]

I'm just telling you what my family experiences.  You'll find many doctors hesitate to pull a licence, at least that has been my experience and discussing it with my wifes doctor, seems common.

many people do lots of things that are illegal or not morally correct - does not make it right.  That is part of the problem - doctors that will not do what they should and report the health concerns.  By the way no doctor can pull a licence - they only make a report to the authorities.


With a degenerative condition symptons can change suddenly without warning.  A person suffering with one that affects motor skills should not be driving.  I read one study that indicated parkinson sufferers were fine driving in daytime perfect weather conditions but once you introduced anything such as fog their driving skills dropped markedly compared to those without the condition.  I have yet to drive in perfect weather conditions so am guessing that anyone with parkinsons and driving has decreased driving skills that puts everyone around them in danger.  Seems selfish to me.

[captjtq]

Anny,

I'm currently deployed, and am able to speak with my spouse and see my five month old fairly regularly via webcam. I've used the ones at KAF and KPRT that have been provided by a civilian contractor for this specific purpose. I don't know where your husband is (nor should you tell me) but if he has access to VTC he should have access to the welfare trailers with both regular internet and the webcams. We use MSN Messenger and the video function available on the newest versions to chat - while the connection is sometimes slow, and the picture pixellated, it beats the alternative (i.e. nothing at all). And I get to see the little one grow. 

I recommend you try to download the latest version of Messenger, and get a half-decent webcam. Have hubby do the same vis-a-vis a Messenger account (all he needs is a Live, Hotmail or MSN account).

If I recall correctly, there is even MSN Messenger-specific one that you can purchase. You'll probably also need a microphone. Most will come with directions, otherwise, google is your friend. I picked my spouse up a laptop before I left that has a mic and camera built in, which has come in handy. I understand this may not be an option.

If there's anything else you need to help get you connected to your husband (technical advice), let me know via PM, and I can try to help.

JTQ