If and when you both decide to attend couples counselling, take the time to decide on where you want to go in order receive the counselling. There are advantages and disadvantages to the 4 main options:
1) Padre - confidential and free, but may be uncomfortable if you both don't have a religious back ground;
2) Base Social Worker - free, but may end up affecting the short term career of your husband. Yes it is confidential on what you say, but if your man needs to screen for anything (deployment, posting, course, etc.) it will likely come up that he is attending counselling. This may inhibit him from being open with the counsellor, if he puts a higher priority on his career than his relationship
3) CFMAP - as written by Occam, this is a very good option, as it is free, outside the influence of the chain of command, and usually with a civilian agency. The down side is they sometimes don't always understand all the dynamics of the military, unless they have worked with many military personnel previously.
4) Civilian agency - it will cost you (although some municipalities have funded programs), but it severs all ties with the military establishment, which may ease any concerns you or he may have with impacting his career.
But most important of all, you have to find someone who you can work with and be comfortable with. If you are uncomfortable or dislike your counsellor after a few sessions, it is unlikely you make any progress.
I hope you work it out, or at least find happiness.
